


A Love Stronger than a Curse

by heylittleangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A little canon divergent, Angry!Dean, Angsty Start, Cas and Dean love Game of Thrones, Cas being Cas, Cas can actually taste the food, Cas doesn’t fly but he can be very fast when he wants, Cas eats but doesn’t sleep, Cas has some really bad headaches, Cas helps Dean during their flight, Cas is a badass, Cas is such a sweetie, Cas knows a lot about history, Cas speaks a lot of languages, Cas still has his Enochian tattoo, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Dorks, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Cause I Said So, Charlie’s still alive, DCBB 2019, Dean Does Research, Dean doesn't know what that is, Dean finally talks about his feelings, Dean freaking out, Dean gets pretty worried, Dean gets some help to discover his feelings, Dean is such a worried boyfriend, Dean likes history but doesn’t admit it, Dean’s pretty cool with being very close to Cas, Dean’s pretty cute and takes care of Cas, Dean’s so in love, Dean’s the only one who doesn’t know Cas loves him and that he loves Cas, Dean’s very afraid of planes, Domestic, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, History, Hurt!Cas, Hurt/Comfort, Kelly’s not pregnant, Like, Love Confessions, Lovecraft and Stephen King’s books, M/M, Maybe some spoilers, Nervous!Dean, Rowena’s awesome, Some Dean POV, Soulmates, Temporary Amnesia, and i love her so much, and so gross at the same time, cause I'm a history freak, demons are stupid, even though they’re not (yet), fake number for Dean and Sam, guilty!cas, kinda case fic, kinda domestic, mid-season 12, most of the fic happens outside of the US, mostly Cas's POV, nerd!dean, personal space? What personal space?, practically a vacation in the beginning, real stupid, really powerful witch, reassuring!dean, some hurt!Dean, some memories from Cas, some memories from Dean, supportive!cas, temporary coma, there are a lot of memories from Cas, there’s plenty of history, there’s some angst, they act like a couple, they’re so cute, though they're nothing much, very powerful curse, ‘cause I live for the fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-06 03:58:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 40,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21220193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heylittleangel/pseuds/heylittleangel
Summary: Witches are always hard to fight but, when the witch of the week curses Cas, making him vanish before Sam and Dean’s eyes, they both can admit that this is one of the worst experiences they’ve ever had with one. They don’t know how to find or contact Cas after that, being left to find a way themselves or hope Cas is able to find his way back to them.





	1. Dead Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hey peeps, how are y'all? So, today I'm here with my first DCBB ever (and first bang ever as well) and I'm so excited to be able to finally post it. This story has been my baby for almost eight months now, way before I decided to sign up for DCBB, and I simply love it so I hope you'll like it too!
> 
> Firstly, I have to thank [ raiseyourpinky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raiseyourpinky/pseuds/raiseyourpinky) 'cause, without her, this story wouldn't exist and I wouldn't even have signed up for DCBB in the first place. She helped me through all of it, listening to me complaining, crying, freaking out over this story, not letting me give up on it. Thank you for being an amazing beta and an awesome friend. I own this fic to you and I don't know what I would've done without you.
> 
> Secondly, my amazing artist, [ Ale](https://usarechan.tumblr.com/), 'cause she made two marvellous pieces for this story and I was so lucky on having her as a partner. I loved working with her and I'm so in love with the pieces. Go check her art [ here](https://usarechan.tumblr.com/post/189081334859/art-for-this-years-dcbb-a-love-stronger-than-a)
> 
> Thirdly, I have to thank my best friend 'cause he listened to me so freaking much and he didn't even read this story. He's the most amazing person and, even though he won't read this, I needed to thank him.
> 
> And lastly, but not least, the amazing mods of DCBB. They organized this amazing Bang, as they always do, and I'm so happy and honoured for being able to participate this year.
> 
> Alright, I'll let you read now. Enjoy!

Sam, Dean, and Castiel are crouched down outside of the warlock’s house, waiting for the perfect moment to bust in and kill it. They’ve been in the city for almost two weeks and the warlock has already dropped four bodies and got two people missing before they were able to track him down.

Dean looks at them and whispers, “You two know the plan, right?” They both nod. “All right, I’ll count to three and then we bust in. Remember, this man-witch is one of the most powerful ones we’ve ever seen, so be careful. No reason to give him enough opportunities to kill you both.” They nod again and Dean starts counting up with his fingers.

When he gets to three, he kicks down the door, his aim ready to shoot anything that may move inside the house. The room is too dark to let them see everything completely, so they keep their aim steady and ready to fire if they need to. They look at each other and Sam waves his hand, gesturing for them to split so they can cover more ground. Castiel walks to the right while Sam walks to the left, and Dean stays to look around the room they got in.

Castiel holds his blade tightly and stays in position, ready to kill anything they may jump on him. He can see a lot in the dark room with his angel powers, not having to turn any lights on and give his position away to the warlock—though, if he’s as powerful as they think he is, Castiel isn’t sure the lights on or off will make a difference.

He gives a look around the room, using his powers to try and sense the witch, but he doesn't see anything and his grace doesn’t sense any other presence there. He moves to the other room, doing the same thing but still not finding anything. Castiel starts to wonder if the warlock really is in the house, or if he knew they were coming for him and fled. Castiel walks to the other room, searching it, and, when he doesn’t find anything in it, he goes back to the room Dean is in. 

When Castiel sees him, he arches one brow at the wave of anger that comes out of Dean. He shrugs, thinking it’s probably because they lost the warlock. Castiel starts to let his guard down as he walks closer to Dean. 

He’s about to open his mouth and tell Dean that he didn’t find anything, when he hears a scream and some force throws him to the other side of the room, making him hit his head on the wall, blacking his vision out and making him lose his air as he grunts in pain. He hears the metallic noise that his blade does when it hits the ground a few feet from him.

Castiel doesn’t know how long he stays on the floor, with his vision black and trying to get his breath back (even though he shouldn't really need it), but it mustn’t be long because, when his vision gets back to normal, he can see Sam and Dean are still fighting the warlock and neither of them has been thrown around the room _ yet _.

He stands up, getting his blade back from where it landed and adjusts his grip on it. He walks to the Winchesters to join them in the fight, walking behind the warlock’s back, footsteps light against the floor. He watches as the warlock throws Sam against a wall, making his gun fly from his hand. Castiel hears Sam groaning and uses it as a sign that he's alive, so he keeps walking towards the warlock. Dean shoots at it various times, but the warlock is fast and powerful, dodging all the bullets Dean sends his way.

Dean curses as he tosses himself on the floor to escape the knife the warlock throws at him, protecting his head from the impact against the floor. Castiel is about to stab it with his blade when the warlock turns to him and holds his hand towards Castiel, immobilizing him. Castiel tries to move, throw the blade at the warlock, anything, but his whole body is frozen, and not even his grace helps him move a millimetre.

The witch opens his mouth and starts reciting an incantation unknown to Castiel, “_ Ni rhach hon na edlenn pen ind ah dan thand meleth gar-lain hon _!” Castiel does his best to try and escape the spell, attempting to move, will his grace to break whatever spell he’s under, not wanting to be hit by whatever the incantation is about, but nothing seems to work, leaving him helpless.

Castiel feels his memories getting pulled out of his mind, one by one, painfully, as his sensibility in his body disappears as if all of his nerves are concentrated in his head. He tries to throw the blade at the warlock but it just falls from his hand, hitting the ground between his feet with a loud, metallic noise, his knees following it right after. He sees more than hears Dean scream his name, his voice resounding as underwater. Castiel tries to call him but he’s feeling so tired—he just wants to lay down and sleep for a while. Surely Dean will be there when he wakes up so that won’t be a problem.

His body falls to the floor with a loud thud, his vision blacking out once again, but he can only feel the pain in his head as if someone is trying to pull it from his body. The last thing he sees is Dean running to him, a desperate expression on his face, before his eyes finally close and he passes out.

Sam, Dean, and Castiel are crouched down outside of the warlock’s house, waiting for the perfect moment to bust in and kill it. They’ve been in the city for almost two weeks and the warlock has already dropped four bodies and got two people missing before they were able to track him down.

Dean looks at them and whispers, “You two know the plan, right?” They both nod. “All right, I’ll count to three and then we bust in. Remember, this man-witch is one of the most powerful ones we’ve ever seen, so be careful. No reason to give him enough opportunities to kill you both.” They nod again and Dean starts counting up with his fingers.

When he gets to three, he kicks down the door, his aim ready to shoot anything that may move inside the house. The room is too dark to let them see everything completely, so they keep their aim steady and ready to fire if they need to. They look at each other and Sam waves his hand, gesturing for them to split so they can cover more ground. Castiel walks to the right while Sam walks to the left, and Dean stays to look around the room they got in.

Castiel holds his blade tightly and stays in position, ready to kill anything they may jump on him. He can see a lot in the dark room with his angel powers, not having to turn any lights on and give his position away to the warlock—though, if he’s as powerful as they think he is, Castiel isn’t sure the lights on or off will make a difference.

He gives a look around the room, using his powers to try and sense the witch, but he doesn't see anything and his grace doesn’t sense any other presence there. He moves to the other room, doing the same thing but still not finding anything. Castiel starts to wonder if the warlock really is in the house, or if he knew they were coming for him and fled. Castiel walks to the other room, searching it, and, when he doesn’t find anything in it, he goes back to the room Dean is in. 

When Castiel sees him, he arches one brow at the wave of anger that comes out of Dean. He shrugs, thinking it’s probably because they lost the warlock. Castiel starts to let his guard down as he walks closer to Dean. 

He’s about to open his mouth and tell Dean that he didn’t find anything, when he hears a scream and some force throws him to the other side of the room, making him hit his head on the wall, blacking his vision out and making him lose his air as he grunts in pain. He hears the metallic noise that his blade does when it hits the ground a few feet from him.

Castiel doesn’t know how long he stays on the floor, with his vision black and trying to get his breath back (even though he shouldn't really need it), but it mustn’t be long because, when his vision gets back to normal, he can see Sam and Dean are still fighting the warlock and neither of them has been thrown around the room _ yet _.

He stands up, getting his blade back from where it landed and adjusts his grip on it. He walks to the Winchesters to join them in the fight, walking behind the warlock’s back, footsteps light against the floor. He watches as the warlock throws Sam against a wall, making his gun fly from his hand. Castiel hears Sam groaning and uses it as a sign that he's alive, so he keeps walking towards the warlock. Dean shoots at it various times, but the warlock is fast and powerful, dodging all the bullets Dean sends his way.

Dean curses as he tosses himself on the floor to escape the knife the warlock throws at him, protecting his head from the impact against the floor. Castiel is about to stab it with his blade when the warlock turns to him and holds his hand towards Castiel, immobilizing him. Castiel tries to move, throw the blade at the warlock, anything, but his whole body is frozen, and not even his grace helps him move a millimetre.

The witch opens his mouth and starts reciting an incantation unknown to Castiel, “_ Ni rhach hon na edlenn pen ind ah dan thand meleth gar-lain hon _!” Castiel does his best to try and escape the spell, attempting to move, will his grace to break whatever spell he’s under, not wanting to be hit by whatever the incantation is about, but nothing seems to work, leaving him helpless.

Castiel feels his memories getting pulled out of his mind, one by one, painfully, as his sensibility in his body disappears as if all of his nerves are concentrated in his head. He tries to throw the blade at the warlock but it just falls from his hand, hitting the ground between his feet with a loud, metallic noise, his knees following it right after. He sees more than hears Dean scream his name, his voice resounding as underwater. Castiel tries to call him but he’s feeling so tired—he just wants to lay down and sleep for a while. Surely Dean will be there when he wakes up so that won’t be a problem.

His body falls to the floor with a loud thud, his vision blacking out once again, but he can only feel the pain in his head as if someone is trying to pull it from his body. The last thing he sees is Dean running to him, a desperate expression on his face, before his eyes finally close and he passes out.

↞❤↠

When Dean starts to hear the incantation that comes out of the warlock’s mouth, he’s a hundred percent sure something bad is going to happen, but the last thing that came to his mind was seeing Cas vanish right in front of his eyes or the painful expression he saw on the angel’s face—an expression that hurt Dean so much that he couldn’t even understand it.

Dean gets up as fast as he can and runs towards Cas, screaming his name, but he's too late. He only feels the soft fabric of Cas’s suit jacket slipping through his fingers as the angel disappears, fingers closing around the nothingness that takes Cas’s place. 

With Cas gone, Dean turns to the witch, a hot rage in his eyes, turning his vision red. Before the warlock can even think of fleeing, Dean launches himself on top of him, causing both of them to fall on the floor, with Dean on top, holding his gun against the other’s head.

“What did you do to him?!” Dean presses the gun on the witch’s temple, forcing his head down.

The warlock huffs out a laugh. “You’ll never know. Your little angel friend is gone and you’ll never see him again. I hardly doubt you’ll even be able to find out what I did to him.” He raises his head, forcing the barrel against it. “So, do whatever you want to do to me if it will make you feel better, but _ nothing _ will bring him back.”

Dean takes the gun out of the warlock's forehead and aims it at his heart. “Well, I may as well if you insist,” he says in a snarky tone and turns to look at Sam, who’s getting up and retrieving his own gun. “Do you remember what he said?”

Sam shrugs, brushing off the dust of his jacket. “Yeah, I’ll probably be able to do some research on it and maybe Rowena can help.”

Dean turns his head back to the witch, a smug smile on his face. “Well, it seems like we really don’t need you after all. I’ll make your wish come true, then.” Dean shoots once, then twice, and stops for about three seconds before emptying the clip on the witch’s chest.

Sam sighs. “Was it really necessary to waste so many bullets if one did the job?”

Dean groans and gets up, cleaning the dust out of his own jacket. “It wasn’t, but I wanted to. He certainly deserved it.” Dean looks at the witch and then turns his head to face Sam, his brows knitted in a frown. “We need to find Cas, fast. Who knows what this crazy did to him.”

Sam nods. “All right, I’ll call Rowena and ask her to meet us in the bunker. We need to find out as soon as possible what he did to Cas and maybe she’ll be able to help us with a translation to the incantation.”

“Yeah. Well, let’s burn this son of a bitch and get the hell out of Dodge.”

They take the witch’s body to the back of the house, where there are some trees, and make a fire, burning the body just to be sure. Dean watches the warlock burn with what could be called as a sickly satisfaction. After that, they drive back home, Dean making one of his fastest drives ever.


	2. This Ain’t a Love Story

When Castiel first opens his eyes, he thinks he's going to be blinded by all the light that was passing through them, making him feel like they’re burning. He quickly closes them, putting his hands on his head, a pounding pain in his skull, as if there are hundreds of people inside his head, hitting him with a hammer. When it seems to get better, he opens his eyes again but slowly this time, not sure if it really is better or if his mind is just trying to trick him. 

When he gets used to the light around him, he sees some trees around him, feels the grass under his hands, and a really bright sun on the blue sky. He sits and tries to remember how he ended up there. Nothing comes to mind—he doesn’t remember where he is, why he is there or even who he is. When that last realization pops into his mind, his eyes widen and he starts panicking, breathing starting to come out in huffs. 

He doesn’t know who he is. How can a person not know who they are? He closes his eyes and thinks harder about what he remembers. Maybe it’s just the numbness on his body and mind slowing the process of remembering it. He's sure he’ll remember something if he just tries hard enough. He has to; how could someone not know who they are? 

Some numbers and a name appear on his mind—7174378415 and Dean. They don’t ring any bells on his mind, only that this ‘Dean’ is important. Maybe he is Dean? No, that doesn’t sound right. That mustn’t be it. There could be a connection between the numbers and the name, then. 

Castiel looks around him and sees that, on his left, there are some buildings and people walking by. Maybe one of them can help him. He stands up and looks at himself before starting to walk—maybe it can help him find out something about himself. A trenchcoat and a suit, which means that there are lots of pockets for him to look and see if there’s anything in one of them that will help him remember something. He taps the pockets and, in one of them, he finds a wallet. He opens it and sees a kind of card with a photo. An ID. There’s a name on it too: James Novak. Maybe that’s him? He doesn’t know what he looks like so he can’t be sure, but the name does sound a little familiar. And the guy in the picture is wearing the same trenchcoat as he is, so it could be him.

He keeps looking through the wallet and sees some colourful notes with numbers on them—money, he assumes—and more cards, with different names on them, but the same picture in the ones that have one. So maybe he is one of those people. But why is the same picture in them? It doesn’t make sense. He can’t be all of those people, can he?

Castiel shakes himself as he puts the wallet back in the pocket he found it and keeps looking. In one of the trench coat’s inside pockets he finds a device, with a button on one of the ends. Maybe a cell phone? He clicks on the button and it lights up. He sees a photo of three men around a black car, laughing like one of them just told a joke. Castiel looks closer to the man with short blonde hair, freckles around his face and pretty green eyes. The same name pops again on his mind—Dean. Maybe that’s Dean, and if he’s in a photo on Castiel’s phone, it can only mean that they know each other. Perhaps they are friends.

Castiel sees a box with a picture of a telephone. He taps on it and various names appear when it opens. He sees different names: Dean a various number of times, Sam a little less, Claire, Charlie, and Rowena. None other than ‘Dean’ mean anything to him but ‘Sam’ does sound a little familiar as well, though he doesn’t know why.

He clicks on one of the ‘Dean’s’ that are there and the screen changes, with the name on the middle and other boxes under it. He puts the phone against his ear and hears a voice, “Sorry, we could not contact this number. Please, try again.”

There are beeps after the voice stops talking. Castiel keeps the phone against his ear and after he realizes that the voice won’t speak again, he looks at the screen. He sees that the number appearing there is the same one on his head. Maybe that’s Dean’s phone them. But why can’t he contact the man? He probably needs help.

He clicks on the red button at the end of the screen and puts the phone back in his pocket. He starts to walk towards the buildings and the people passing by. Perhaps someone can help him call Dean and tell him where he is.

↞❤↠

Dean is pacing around the room, a book in his hands, muttering to himself. Sam and Rowena are sitting at the table, each with a book in front of them. The three of them have been researching and trying to translate the incantation for hours now, but haven’t been successful yet. They have been through half of the lore and books on translation they have on the bunker but even Rowena can’t seem to recognize the spell or the language is on. They have a huge library, with hundreds of books, and not even one of them can help Dean find out what happened to Cas.

But when Sam finally snaps his fingers, dragging the attention from the other two to him, they all feel relieved when he speaks, “I did it. I found the translation.”

Dean’s by his side in mere seconds, staring at the screen on Sam's laptop. “What does it mean? What did that psycho do to Cas?”

Sam takes his notes and reads them out loud, “_ I curse you into exile, memoryless, and only true love can save you. _” He looks at Rowena, brows knitted in a frown. “Do you recognize this spell?”

She nods, with a careful expression. “It is a complex spell, very difficult to cast. The witch who cast it must have been extremely powerful. Especially if it worked on an angel.”

Dean raises an eyebrow at her. “Why is that?”

“Well, to cast that spell on a human is already hard, but on an angel? Probably a thousand times harder, if not more.”

Sam rubs his hand on his face, sighing. “Great, just what we needed. A powerful spell, which will need an even more powerful counterspell. If we can even find one.”

Dean groans as he falls on a chair beside his brother. “Awesome. How the hell are we supposed to find Cas with all this mess? Would a tracking spell even work on an angel? And what was up with that male witch? Does he think we are in some freakin' kind of fairy tale to have ‘true love’?” Dean says sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Rowena sighs. “It may be possible that we can find him with a tracking spell but I can’t promise it will work out. I can try to work on a counterspell while you two try to find a way to locate Castiel.”

Sam runs his hands through his hair, letting the air slowly through his mouth. “If we do find him and you don’t find a counterspell, how can we break it? We don’t even know if he can have true love being an angel. How does that even work?”

Dean stands up, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know, Sam. But let’s focus on one thing first, it’s not worth worrying about what we can’t do at the moment. It’ll only make us more concerned than we already are. We can worry about the rest later.” He looks at Rowena. “Does this spell work like the one I was cursed with? Will he forget everything, even how to speak, swallow, and breathe?”

She shakes her head. “No, he only forgot his memories, who he really is and all he has ever been through. But he will remember most of the things he learned, like simple objects and natural actions to him, which would be… his instincts, I guess we could call them that. Some of them can even be to use his powers.”

Dean lets a shaky breath out, running his hand on his face, relieved. “At least we won’t have to worry about him dying for not being able to breathe. All right, Sam and I will work on finding where he is now, and Rowena, see if you can a way to break the curse. The faster we find something, the better.”

As soon as Dean finishes speaking, his phone rings. He fishes it out of his pocket and sees ‘Unknown number’ on it. He clicks on the green button and puts it against his ear. “What?” he answers angrily.

“Are you Dean?” Dean freezes when he hears that low, gravelly voice, the same one that is constantly haunting his dreams, making him think things that are _ totally _ inappropriate to think about your best friend (especially if you are alone in your room and no one can hear you).

He stammers, “Ca-Cas? Is, is that you?” Sam and Rowena stand up, looking anxiously at Dean.

Castiel stutters a little, “I, I don’t know. I woke up somewhere I don’t know and I don’t remember anything but your name and this number. I found a cell phone in one of my pockets but I couldn’t call you with it.”

Dean sighs and starts to pace around the room—_ again _. “Don’t worry about that now. Where are you? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Yes, I am alright, but I don’t know where I am.” Dean hears him speaking in a foreign language. “The lady who helped me call you says we are in Berlin, Germany. Do you know where it is?”

Dean laughs humorlessly. “Yeah, yeah, I know where it is.” Dean runs a hand through his hair, troubled. “All right, I can’t give you all the details right now, so I’ll tell the most important things, okay?”

“Yes.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “All right, your name is Castiel. You, Sam, who is my brother, and me were in a fight, and the person who we were up against made you lose your memories and end up in Germany. I can’t really explain how right now, so you’ll have to trust me on this, okay?”

“Yes. But why there are cards in my wallet with different names on them? None of them have Castiel on it.”

Dean huffs a laugh. “Yeah, that is complicated too. Don’t worry about that for now. If you need an ID, show the one that says James Novak on it, all right?”

Castiel hums. “I will.”

“Okay, I’ll go and get you, all right? But you need to find out exactly where you are and stay there, you hear me? If you don’t, we don’t have any way to track you.”

“Yes, I will stay here,” Castiel says more things in that foreign language (probably German if he’s in Germany). “The lady says we are at the Central Train Station in the city. If you get a bus from the airport, you’ll get here.”

Dean hums, writing it down on a piece of paper. “Okay, stay there, all right? I’ll probably be there in a few days and I need you to stay put. If you need, call me or Sam. Can you write down Sam’s number?” Cas hums. “Okay, it’s 7175729230. If anything happens that will make you need to go somewhere else or you think that something may be a threat, call me and, if you can’t get a hold of me, call Sam.”

“Okay, but I’ll do my best to stay in the same place.”

“Cas, do you have any money?” The angel hums. “Okay, if you need food or water or anything, use it, okay? If you are in a train station, there are lots of places for you to try it out.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you, Dean.”

Dean sighs. “No problem, buddy. Stay put, I’ll be there soon.” Dean hangs up and looks at the other two, his brows knitted in a frown, an exasperated expression on his face. Both of them have the same expression on their faces.

Sam speaks first, “How did he call you?

“He said that he remembered my number and my name, but that’s it.” Rowena raises an eyebrow at Dean at that but neither he nor Sam seem to notice it. “Said a woman helped him call me. He’s at a train station in Berlin. Look up tickets for me to go, Sammy.”

Sam raises an eyebrow. “You hate flying, Dean.”

Dean shrugs, sighing. “I know, but it’s better if you two work on the counterspell and I’ll go. We need to get to him and we can’t expect him to come alone. Even if he has his powers, he doesn’t have wings and we can't just trust him to get on a plane by himself. Especially without his memories. And between the three of us, we all know I’m not the best at research.”

Sam sighs, shoulders slumping. “True. Okay, I’ll get you the tickets. Pack stuff for you and for him. I’ll try to get them for as early as possible.”

“All right.” Dean takes a deep breath, trying to gather some courage. “It’s going to be a couple of long days.”

Dean walks out of the room. Damn it, Cas. _ You’re going to owe me big time for making me fly across the ocean _, Dean thinks, even though he knows that just by knowing Cas is okay, the whole trip is already worth it.


	3. Death in the Alley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to thank [ peanutbutterjelly-pie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleakim/pseuds/peanutbutterjelly-pie) in this chapter cause she helped me with the German translations.
> 
> **“Vielen Dank für Ihre Hilfe.”** \- "Thank you very much for your help."  
**“Es war mir eine Freude, ich hoffe, Sie finden Ihren Freund.”** \- "It was my pleasure, I hope you find your friend."  
**“Ich hoffe es auch.”** \- "I hope so too."

When Castiel finishes talking with Dean, he hangs up and looks at the lady who helped him. “Vielen Dank für Ihre Hilfe.” he thanks her, giving a small smile to her.

She smiles back. “Es war mir eine Freude, ich hoffe, Sie finden Ihren Freund.”

He nods at her. “Ich hoffe es auch.”

Castiel walks out of the store, waving one last time at her. He looks around and sees various shops, so he decides to walk around a little and see if he can find something to do or somewhere to sit. Maybe if he stays at the same place and focus, he can remember something more, and if he doesn’t, he can find something to do while he waits for Dean.

He remembers Dean’s name and number, even though he doesn’t remember exactly what their relationship is—must be important for him to remember only that—, and he knows how to speak German and English, but, so far, those are the only things he remembers. Hopefully, Dean will be able to help him more.

Castiel walks by a bookstore and sees some books that seem interesting. He decides to go in and see if he can find a book that will get his attention. Maybe reading something will help him remember more in the best-case scenario or it will help make the time pass a little faster in the worst-case scenario. Either way, it’s a good use of a book.

He’s looking at some horror books (they seem to be familiar but Castiel can't put his finger on why they do) when his phone rings. He takes it out of his pocket and sees ‘Sam’ written on the caller. He remembers that Sam is Dean’s brother, so he answers it, “Hello?”

“Hey, Cas, it’s Sam.”

“Hello, Sam.”

“So, Dean’s already on his way to the airport to get on the plane, that’s why I’m the one calling. Charlie, who’s a friend of ours, booked a hotel for you, ‘cause we think you may be safer there than on a train station and it’ll probably be easier for Dean to find you as well since he won’t have to be walking around the station to look for you. Do you think you can find the hotel with only the name? I’m sure someone could help you get there and it’s not so far away from the station. She tried to get one as close as possible from there.”

“Yes, I think I can get there. What is the name of the hotel?”

“Titanic Chaussee Berlin.”

Castiel gets the paper where he wrote Sam’s number and writes the name of the hotel in it as well. “I wrote down the name. I’ll ask someone to tell me how to get there. Thank you, Sam.”

“No problem, Cas. Call me when you get there, all right?”

“I will.”

“Oh, and Cas, you can ask for anything that you want there, all right? Food, drink, just be careful there. Not all people are good and I’m sure there are some that will be more than happy to get to you, especially when you’re a little more vulnerable.”

Cas tilts his head. “I don’t know why someone would want to get to me.”

Sam scoffs. “You have no idea how many things would like to get a hand on you but I can’t explain it right now. If you want, ask Dean when he gets there. When you get to the hotel, tell them you have a reservation under the name of James Novak and show them the ID with that name. They’ll tell you where your room is and everything you’ll need to know there.”

Castiel smiles softly. “I’ll do that. Thank you, Sam.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Sam hangs up and Castiel puts the phone back in his pocket.

He looks at the books again and decides on two: 11/22/63 from Stephen King and a book with some tales from H. P. Lovecraft. Castiel thinks the two will already be a good way to pass the time and Lovecraft does seem a little familiar to him, so maybe the book can help him remember something.

He pays for the books and asks the cashier how he can get to the hotel Sam told him about. She writes down on a paper the directions to get there and hands it to him. Castiel thanks her and leaves the store, putting the books in one of the inside pockets of his trench coat. He walks towards the exit, absorbed on the paper in his hands. 

Once he’s outside the station, he starts to follow the directions the cashier gave him, not paying too much attention to what happens near him, worried only at not getting lost in a city he doesn't know. Two men and a woman from across the street look at him with narrowed eyes and then look at each other, nodding when their eyes meet. They start to walk in the same direction Castiel is but being careful to not let the angel notice them. They cross the street, staying behind Cas, not too long after.

Castiel only looks around to see the city and the beauty it has to offer—so many tall buildings, with impressive architecture, some new, some a little older, but all beautiful the same. Most people that pass by him don’t even glance at him, they just keep walking towards their destination, worried about some other thing. Castiel notices some older couples, who are probably between 35 and 40 years old, with kids, and most of the young couples are just by themselves or with friends.

Castiel keeps most of his attention on the path he is on and some of it to admire the city, not worried about anything other than that. When he passes by an alley, that probably has seen better days, the three people who are following him jump on top of him, covering his mouth and dragging him into the alley. Castiel tries to fight them but, with the three holding him, he can’t do much more than squirm in their hold.

When they are at the end of the alley, they push Castiel to the ground with an inhuman force and stop in front of him, blocking his way to the street. Castiel hits his head on the concrete, his vision blacking out for a few seconds as he loses his breath. He sits and does his best to see what is going on in front of him, blinking to try and make the black spots disappear from his vision.

One of the men laughs, shaking his head as he stares down at Castiel. “Who would have thought that the great, notorious Castiel would lose in a fight with three tiny, unimportant demons. I thought you were stronger than this, little angel.

Castiel raises his eyes to the people in front of him, stammering with the confusion in his voice, “I-I don’t know what you are talking about. I am not an angel.”

The woman rolls her eyes, scoffing. “Yeah, right, and I didn’t sell my soul to get hair on my class's reunion when I was human.” Castiel tilts his head, wondering if he heard right. “We know who you are, Castiel, there’s no need for lies between us, sweetheart,” her voice comes out soft, almost as a purr, but her eyes are cold, calculating as she puts her hand under his chin, nails biting into his skin.

Castiel pulls his head from her hand, moving away from her, and blinks until his vision is normal again. “I am not lying. I don’t know why you would attack me or why you would call me an ‘angel’. Was that supposed to be a flirtation?”

The second man looks at the others, squinting his eyes a little. “You think he is telling the truth?” He cocks his head, an almost disgusted face as he stares at Castiel again. “He certainly doesn’t seem so powerful at the moment.”

They huddle close and start to discuss something too low for Castiel to hear, but he takes advantage of their distraction and starts running on his unknown instincts, letting his body do what it knows it can. His eyes start to glow with grace as he stands up and runs to one of the men, putting his hand on his head and burning his eyes out, Castiel’s nose filling with the smell of burnt meat but not quite registering it. The other two turn to him and the woman waves her hand, throwing Castiel against the wall, making him hit his back yet again. He’s on his feet again in mere seconds, adrenaline running through his veins, drowning the pain on his back and arms, making everything seem faster. The other man tries to run to him but Castiel just raises his hand, stopping him and making the man run in the same place. Castiel walks slowly to him, placing his hand against the demon’s forehead, ignoring its snarls, threats and attempts to bite Castiel, and burns his eyes out as well, the burning flesh sizzling. 

The woman runs to him, a knife on her hand and cuts Castiel on his lower ribs. A slight, hot pain starts to run through his side, but not painful enough to from him stop fighting her. He punches her, his fist hitting her right eye, hard enough for a bruise to already form. He takes the knife violently from her hand, throwing it far away from them so she won’t be able to get it again. She tries to punch him but before her hand hits him, he grabs it and crushes it, breaking her fingers and making her let out a piercing scream as he twists her arm. She tries to run away from him but he grabs her throat with one hand, putting his other hand against her head and burns her eyes as well, the scream fading from her throat. Her body falls on Castiel’s feet with a soft thud, smoke coming out of her hollow eyes as they stare emptyless. 

The adrenaline in Castiel’s veins starts to fade, making his vision go back to normal and the pain on his back and side starting to take the best from him. He looks around him, the three bodies on the ground with their eyes burned out, smoke still coming out of them, and then at his hands. How did he manage to do that? He didn’t want to kill anyone, not even those who called themselves demons. The adrenaline finally stops running through him, giving place for horror and panic, making him feel sick and disgusted at himself. His eyes widen and his hands shake as he stares at them, horrified. He puts one of his hands on his mouth and the other on his side, trying to tame the bleeding a little, and starts to walk to the street he was before, legs trembling under him. He looks around the street to make sure no one saw or heard the fight, and then starts to walk to the hotel again, keeping an eye around him all the time, anxious that someone else could be following him. Maybe Sam was right about people wanting to get to him, especially when he doesn’t know anything. He should start being more careful, just to be sure.


	4. Just a Little Piece of Me

After Castiel finally gets to the hotel, doing his best to hide the bloodstains on his clothes, and a really kind employee shows him his room and tells him everything he needs to know, Castiel just wants to throw himself in the gigantic bed in the middle of the room and sleep until Dean arrives there. Not because he needs sleep, no, it’s just to see if all the crazy things stop happening to him, because he’s not sure how much he’ll be able to handle before going crazy himself. How did he manage to deal with all of this when he had his memories? This should be too much for anyone. No one should have to deal with all of this on a day-to-day base.

But, sadly, Castiel knows better than to just pass out for a day, and he did promise Sam he would call when he arrived at the hotel to let him know Castiel got there practically okay. And he also needs to know why those people tried to kill him, why they were calling him an angel and themselves as demons, and how he managed to burn their eyes out. That shouldn’t be normal, should it?

He stares at his hands for a while, trying to see if there’s anything different to them. He has long, thin fingers, the skin feels pretty soft when he rubs his fingers on his hand, and they don’t seem to have any difference from other people’s hands. Don’t seem to have any magical powers, just a normal, human hand.

He ends up giving up after a while, deciding it’s best to just ask Sam. The young man who helped him also lent Castiel a charger and taught him how to make a call to the US, so he plugs his cellphone in and then calls Sam. 

Sam answer after three rings, his voice soft and tired, “Hey, Cas. Got to the hotel?”

“Yes, I did. But, uh, Sam,” Castiel scratches his neck, “there were three people who followed and attacked me halfway through here.”

Castiel hears Sam gasp and he starts asking things so quickly that Castiel almost doesn’t understand what he’s saying, “Are you okay? Did they hurt you? What happened? Who were they?”

“No, I mean, yes” Castiel shakes his head, taking a deep breath to put his other thoughts in order. “ I mean, the woman stabbed me with a knife but it seems to be healing by itself, which I believe it’s a good thing. They called me an angel and said they were demons. Why would they do that? I-I don’t understand.”

He hears Sam sigh, and, if he had his memories, he would know that Sam was also resting his back on the chair, rubbing his hand on his face as he answers tiredly, “This is difficult, Cas, I’m not sure explaining it over the phone is the best way. There are a lot of things to tell you. How did you manage to escape from them?”

Castiel stammers a little, his voice shaking, “I-I killed them. Burned their eyes out. How did I do that, Sam? I didn’t mean to kill those people. I never wanted to kill anyone, I-I didn’t want it,” Castiel’s voice trails out, panicked, high pitching at the end.

Sam takes a deep breath, trying to keep his voice calm and reassuring, “It’s okay, Cas. They were bad people, I promise. You did nothing wrong.” Sam sighs again and takes a moment before he starts speaking again, his voice more controlled, “They truly were demons and you are an angel, Cas. I know it’s hard to believe and I’m sure it’ll be a lot easier when Dean gets there and explains it a little more, because explaining it over the phone isn’t ideal, there’s just… too many things to tell you. Look, stay at the hotel and be careful with who you meet there, okay? Don’t trust anyone. Hopefully, no other demon or angel knows you are there and unprotected, so I think you will be fine. I’ll send you some pictures of some sigils and I want you to draw them around the room, okay?” Cas hums an affirmative. “All right. I’ll let you know where to draw them. Dean’s probably already on the plane but I’ll text him to let him know you got there okay once he lands. Did anything else happen?”

“No, but I was worried about someone else following me the rest of the way. Do you think someone can get in here?”

“Well, it’s always a possibility but I think you’ll be okay with the sigils, and you do have a tattoo that keeps you hidden from the angels.”

Castiel tilts his head. “I have a tattoo?”

Sam laughs softly. “Yeah, you do. We all have one, actually, but yours is the only one that keeps the angels away, which is great because you don’t have your angel blade. Anyway, that’s not what’s important. I’ll send you the pictures of the sigils you need to draw and where you’re going to draw them. Do you think you can take a picture of the room for me so it’ll be easier to say where to put ‘em?”

“Yes, I can do it.”

“All right. Charlie, Rowena and I are working on a way to bring your memories back. Hopefully, we will be able to do it before you and Dean get back home.”

“Who is Rowena? Her name was on my cell phone.”

Castiel hears a woman speaking but can’t understand what she is saying. Sam speaks after her, “C’mon Rowena, you can’t blame him,” Sam’s voice sounds lower, like he’s keeping the phone away from his mouth. “She’s the witch who is helping us with the curse another witch put on you,” Sam stops suddenly, probably closing his eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t want to make you more confused. Anyways, she’s a friend,” Sam says it a little sarcastic, “so, if you need anything and neither me or Dean answer, you can call her.” There’s another woman speaking and Sam adds, “Or you can call Charlie as well. You also have her number on your phone.”

“Okay. Thank you, Sam. I’ll take the pictures for you.”

“All right, buddy. Anything else you need, let me know. And, Cas, your wound may be healing nicely but you should clean it anyway. Maybe put a bandage on it if you find some. We don’t know how much the spell affected you and your powers.” 

“Okay, I will.” Castiel hangs up and stands up.

He takes the pictures for Sam, each from a different place so Sam can have different views from the room.

While he waits for Sam to send him what he needs to do, Castiel takes his trench coat off, along with his suit jacket and his shoes, placing them on one of the chairs around the table. He takes the books from the pocket he put them in and places them on the nightstand on the right side of the bed. For some reason, he’s anxious to start reading them.

He goes to the bathroom to try to clean his shirt a little and to clean the wound and the blood from his side. He takes his shirt off and looks at the wound (he also sees the tattoo Sam told him about and understands what is written on it even though he doesn’t know what language it is). It seems it’s healing well, which makes Castiel assume it’s because he is an angel. That still seems a bit odd for him—he doesn’t know if being an angel is good or bad. Sam said that the angels wouldn’t know where he is and he has a tattoo to stop angels from finding him, so it’s possible that they are as bad as the demons. That thought makes Cas feel weird but he doesn’t know why.

Castiel sighs and opens the tap. He gets a towel and puts it under the hot water until it’s completely soaked. He then starts to clean the wound, wiping all the blood that is there but being careful as not to hurt himself more. When he gets all the blood off of him, he’s capable of seeing a big dark bruise on his back, probably from he was thrown on his back. He tries to touch it but hisses when a sudden pain spreads through his side. He lets his hand fall, deciding to just leave it like that—it’s not like there’s much he can do about it. 

He takes his shirt and puts it under the hot water, trying to wash it. It doesn’t work out so much since it just starts to go pink and spread the stain even more. Castiel sighs and decides to leave it somewhere in the bathroom until Dean gets there. Maybe he’ll know a way to take the blood off of the shirt. Castiel has a feeling that it won’t be the first time he’ll do it and he has a hazy memory of Dean cleaning a jacket from the blood that was on it.

Castiel walks back to the room and looks at his phone, seeing that Sam sent a few pictures and said where each sigil should go. He also said that Castiel should use paint if he manages to find it there. He doesn’t so he decides to use a marker that was near a small whiteboard (why there’s a whiteboard in a hotel room Castiel doesn’t know, but he’s not going to complain, especially because he’s going to draw all around said room).

He draws a pentagram on the floor, in front of the door, where the rug will cover it, so anyone who enters the room will have to walk through it (Castiel thanks for the floor having carpet, which makes it a little easier than it would be if it wasn’t). An angel’s trap, as Sam called it, near the pentagram. Castiel would have to remember about it so he wouldn’t walk inside it by accident. He decides not to put the rug on top of it after he finishes drawing it, so he’ll remember it’s there and, if someone decides to come to his room, he can just put the rug on top of it. Sam also sent a banishing symbol for angels but he said that has to be drawn in blood, so Castiel should use it as his last resource.

Castiel draws some more sigils, the ones that will let him stay in the room as well. After he finishes it, he sends pictures to Sam to know if they are good. Sam approves them and says that if Castiel needs anything else, he should let Sam know. Castiel agrees and puts his phone away. Sam had also said that Dean would probably get there by dinner the next day so Castiel still has some time to kill by himself.

He feels hungry so he asks for room service (after a little help from Charlie) and eats while he watches TV. It’s a western movie that seems familiar to Castiel and he has a feeling Dean would have liked it; maybe a little too much. After he eats, he turns the TV off and sits with his back against the headboard of the bed, taking the Stephen King’s book from the nightstand.

He starts to lose track of the time as he reads, getting too caught up in the world King’s created. When he gets to the part where Jake is talking to Al about the time travel, Castiel’s head starts to hurt suddenly, as if there is a hammer hitting his head, and a big, white blur appears in his eyes, stopping him from seeing anything in front of him. He lets the book fall from his hands, a thud coming from it when it hits the floor. He closes his eyes and puts his hands on his head, trying to soothe the pain in it. He cringes, the terrible feeling of a hammer hitting on his head getting stronger with every second that passes.

Some flashes of past things start to go through his mind: he and Dean in front of a young woman with a young man on his arms and an older man lying by their side, Castiel’s hand on Dean’s shoulder and Dean’s eyes filled with tears and a broken expression on his face; Sam and Dean with western clothes, Castiel putting his hands on their heads and making them disappear; Castiel on a motel room, Dean placing him on the bed, a worried expression on his face as he said that he would be back as soon as he can, and brushing a few strands of hair from Castiel’s face with a soft touch—Castiel even remembers how good the touch felt; he and Dean by a road, Dean with a soft face, a small smile on his lips, and a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, telling him to never change.

Castiel starts to groan, feeling like his head is about to split open, when, all of a sudden, the pain stops, as if it were never there at all. 

Castiel slowly opens his eyes, adjusting them to the light of the room, and takes his hands off his head. He sits straight on the bed. What did just happen to him? One minute he was fine and in the other all those flashes started to run through his mind. 

He thinks those must be some of his memories but he can’t remember the exact context of each of them, just those little flashes. 

The only thing in common with them is that all of them have Dean in it, which makes Castiel think that that  _ must _ mean something. Maybe he and Dean are more than just friends? If how Castiel feels when he thinks about Dean and how the memories made him feel are anything to go by, Castiel would guess that they’re not just friends. He should ask Dean when he gets there. Or perhaps he should let Dean start the conversation as that would probably make Dean feel a little less anxious. 

Castiel groans and lets himself fall on the bed. How hard can it be to ask that to Dean? His brain insists that it would be really hard but it doesn’t give him any explanation of why. He stares at the ceiling, exhaling hard through his mouth, and wonder about what he should do. Maybe he should let Dean start the conversation. Castiel can tell about those memories and ask for more detail, and then Dean will tell him more about it and if they are more than friends or not.

Castiel starts to think if he would like Dean’s answer if he says that they are something more than just friends. He does feel something deep for him, like more than just friendship and he thinks he would like them to be more than friends. Castiel’s heart tells him that Dean is a good man and the fact that the man is getting on an airplane to get Castiel back helps build that good image. Castiel doesn’t know how to explain his feelings but he knows they are good and make him happy, so that’s probably a good sign.

Deciding that spending so much time trying to analyze his feelings when he doesn’t have all of his memories to help and what could or not happen won’t help him, Castiel sits again and grabs the book he let fall on the ground. He again rests his back against the headboard and starts reading, hoping no more sudden pains will happen to him.


	5. Waiting on a Friend

When Castiel looks at the time, it’s almost six A.M., and he’s halfway through his book. He didn’t sleep but he also didn’t feel the need to, even though he felt tired when he first got at the hotel. It’s possible that it’s because he is an angel but he decides to ask Dean nonetheless. He looks at his phone to see if there’s anything new but no one has sent him any text. He decides to send one to Dean, anxiety getting the best of him, asking him to let Castiel know when he arrives at the airport.

An employee calls him around seven A.M., asking if he wants breakfast. Castiel says he does because staying up all night without eating anything made him feel really hungry (which makes him wonder why he feels the need to eat but not to sleep). He turns the TV on, surfing through the channels until he finds a TV series called Game of Thrones. Apparently, the channel is transmitting a marathon of it, beginning in the first season.

Castiel is lucky because it has just started, so it’s in the first episode yet. He keeps watching it while he eats and he gets so immersed in it that he only looks at the time when his phone rings.

He sees Dean’s name on it and answers it with a smile, “Hello, Dean.”

Castiel hears Dean take a sharp breath before he answers, “Hey, Cas. I just got to the airport so I’m going to get a ride and then get to the hotel. Do you need anything?”

“I would appreciate some clothes. Mine have blood on them.”

“Blood? What do you mean blood? Are you okay?” Dean speaks too quickly, his voice dripping concern.

“Yes, I’m fine. I will tell you what happened when you get here. But I am fine, the wound is almost entirely healed already.”

Dean sighs, his voice sounding a little calmer, “All right. I got clothes for you, don’t worry. I’ll probably get there in about an hour, okay?”

Cas hums. “I’m in room 917.”

“Okay. I think Charlie let both our names there so I probably won’t have any troubles. I'll see you soon, buddy.”

“See you soon, Dean.”

Castiel hangs up and focuses on the show again. It’s already on episode 5 of season 2 and Castiel got really intrigued with it; it has a complex plot, lots of characters and the development of them in those two seasons have been great. Castiel can’t wait to finish it. Maybe he’ll be able to make Dean watch it with him. Castiel thinks Dean will probably like the show. 

The sixth episode is starting when he hears a knock on the door. “Hey, Cas, it’s me,” Dean’s voice comes from behind the door. Castiel’s heart tries to beat out of his chest, his hands start to get sweaty and he gets nervous, trying to flatten his hair.

Castiels stands up and walks to the door, opening it to reveal Dean—Castiel’s heart does a little flip at the sight of the man—with duffels, bags of food, and a case, which Castiel has no idea what is for. “Come in, Dean.”

He gets the bags from Dean’s arms and places them on the table at the side of the room. Dean puts the duffles beside it and lets a long breath out. “Charlie had to get one of the highest rooms, didn’t she?” He turns to Castieç and his face lights up in a big smile. “It’s so good to see you okay, Cas.” Dean walks to him and embraces the angel in a tight hug, not seeming to realize that his friend is shirtless or at least not caring about it. “I was afraid we weren’t going to be able to find you after what that he-witch did to you.”

Castiel hugs Dean back just as tight, burying his face on the hunter’s neck, the smell of him making Castiel feel like he’s home. “I’m glad you were able to find me. When I woke up without knowing anything about myself, I was very afraid that I would never find out.”

Dean lets go of Castiel but keeps a hand on his shoulder, his lips still in a smile. “Don’t worry. We would scatter the Earth if we had to. But it’s a good thing we didn’t have to.” Castiel agrees. “So, I brought food for us. Burgers, ‘cause you love them.”

Castiel smiles. “Thank you, Dean.” He walks back to the bed and sits where he was before. “Do you like Game of Thrones?”

Dean smiles. “Hell, yeah. It’s awesome. Why?”

Castiel points at the TV. “There’s a marathon going. I started watching it earlier.”

Dean sits beside him with the bags on his hands. “Yeah? Did it start from the first season?” Castiel nods. “Awesome. Which season is it on now?”

“Season 2. Episode 6 just started.”

Dean hands one of the bags to Castiel. “Nice. I finished this season already but I haven’t started the third yet.”

Castiel takes the bag Dean hands him, smiling. “You can watch it with me.”

Dean smiles back at him and they start to eat. They stay the whole time watching and discussing the episode, Dean doing his best not to give spoilers to Castiel. When they finish eating, Dean stands up and gets one of the duffles.

“I brought clothes for you even though you hardly change them. But as you said you got blood on yours, I think it’s a good thing I brought some. And how did you manage to get blood on it again?”

Castiel sighs, taking his eyes from the TV and focusing them on Dean. “When I was walking from the station to the hotel, three people, who called themselves demons, attacked me. The woman stabbed me with a knife.” Castiel shows where the wound was, only a bruise and a thin scar there now. “I burned their eyes out but I have no idea how I did that. I told Sam what happened when I got here and he told me to draw some sigils around the room.” He waves at the sigils, moving his body to point at all of them.

Dean looks around, seeming a little relieved. “Well, I’m happy to know you’re okay and that you’re healing nicely.” He looks closer to the sigils. “You did an amazing job on them. And how did you manage to get that horrible bruise on your back?” Dean walks closer to him, and his fingers start to trace the outline of the bruise, sending goosebumps all over Castiel’s body.

Castiel takes a shaky breath before answering, “One of the demons threw me at the wall and I hit my back. I only realized I had the bruise when I got to the hotel.” 

Dean nods, his eyes staring at Catiels’s back and fingers still touching him. Dean shakes his head after a few seconds, taking his hand from Castiel’s back suddenly, as if burned—Castiel starts to miss the warm as soon as Dean takes his hand away. “At least it was only that. It’ll probably be better soon.”

“I hope so. Do you mind if I take a shower?”

“Of course not, Cas. Suit yourself. I’ll pause the show so we can keep watching it after you finish your shower.”

Castiel smiles at him, grabbing the duffle from Dean’s hands him and goes to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He takes some clothes from the duffle, the softest ones he can find, and some underwear.

He starts the shower and gets underneath the water flow. The hot water relaxes all of his muscles and he feels so much better with that feeling. He scrubs his skin clean, removing all the dirt and tension that has been accumulating on him in the last 48 hours.

When he feels he can’t get any cleaner or more relaxed—he already feels like jelly— he turns the shower off and wraps a towel around him. He dries himself and puts the clothes on. He gets out of the bathroom drying his hair with one hand and the duffel on the other. 

Dean raises his eyes from his phone and looks at Castiel, smiling. “Better?”

Castiel nods. “Yes, I feel much better.”

Dean laughs. “I can imagine it. I’ll take a shower too. Too many hours on a plane.” He hands the remote to Castiel and points at one of its buttons. “If you click on this one, it will unpause so you can keep watching it.”

“Do you want me to wait for you?”

Dean waves him off. “No need. I watched it already so you can watch it without me.”

Castiel nods. “Okay.”

Dean smiles again and grabs his duffle, walking to the bathroom and closing the door. Castiel puts his duffle beside the table and then stretches his towel on one of the chairs. He walks to the bed and sits with his back against the headboard and unpauses the show. He stays focused on it until Dean comes out of the bathroom, sweatpants on, no shirt, and his towel around his neck. Castiel’s mouth dries as he stares at Dean’s shirtless form (and he has to admit that Dean is in pretty good form).

When Dean turns to him, Castiel has to use all of his strength to tear his eyes from Dean’s body and focus them on the TV again. Dean sits by his side a few minutes later, shirt on, his eyes focused on the TV as well. After a while, Castiel is able to get his attention back at the show instead of watching Dean from the corner of his eyes. 

He gets caught up in the show as he senses Dean relaxing by his side, legs crossed at the ankles. It’s not long after the other episode starts that Castiel feels Dean’s head falling to his shoulder. He looks at him, who has his eyes closed and a peaceful, relaxed expression on his face. Castiel takes one of the pillows from behind Dean and puts it on top of his legs. He then moves Dean carefully until he has his head on the pillow. Castiel does his best to cover him without disturbing Dean’s sleep. 

When he thinks Dean’s comfortable enough, he turns his attention to the TV again, a small smile on his lips as he runs his hands lightly through Dean’s short hair, relaxing against the pillows behind him.


	6. Is it Me or is just Subtext?

Castiel stops watching Game of Thrones when the first episode of the third season starts so he can watch it with Dean after. He takes his book from the nightstand and starts from where he stopped reading earlier. He doesn’t see the time pass as he reads, only taking his attention from it when Dean stirs in his sleep, mumbling something Castiel doesn’t understand. Castiel only runs his fingers through Dean’s hair, waiting until he relaxes again to go back to his book.

He finishes the book almost at the same time as Dean’s eyes begin to open, staring sleepily at him. Castiel puts the book on the nightstand and focuses his eyes on Dean’s green ones, still foggy with sleep, and smiles. Dean smiles back and stretches himself across Castiel's lap. 

Deans rubs his eyes, yawning, “Did I use you as pillow the whole night?” Castiel nods. “Sorry, Cas, didn’t mean too.”

Castiel smiles. “It’s not a problem, Dean, you didn’t bother me. I hope you slept well.”

“Yep, best sleep I’ve had in a long time. Did you get any sleep, Cas?”

“No, but I'm haven’t felt the need to sleep since I got here. Only the need to eat.”

Dean raises one eyebrow at him. “You eat but you don’t sleep. Strange.” He sits on the bed.

Castiel shrugs. “Yes, I just don’t know why.”

Dean laughs. “It's because you are weird, buddy. But don’t worry, it’s a good weird. I can call Rowena and see if she knows something.” Dean smiles and pats Castiel’s leg. “I’m going to change clothes and then we can go out, what do you think? The tickets are only scheduled for three days from now, so we can see some of the city before going back home. I'll probably never come back here if I can.”

Castiel squints his eyes at Dean, tilting his head. “Why?"

"I don't really like airplanes, Cas. I would rather drive everywhere."

Cas lowers his eyes, fidgeting with a string of the blanket. "I'm sorry for making you fly here, Dean."

Dean puts his hand on Castiel’s thigh. "Don't worry about it. It's for a good cause. Just knowing you're okay it's worth it." Dean pats Castiel's thigh and stands up, “All right. Put some clothes on as well and then we can have breakfast.”

Castiel looks at the clock beside the book and then looks at Dean again. “I think you mean lunch.”

Dean looks at the clock as well. “Why did you let me sleep so much?”

“Dean, I don’t notice the time passing by the same way you do. I finished the book I was reading when you woke up so for me it wasn’t too much time. And you were probably needing it because of the different time zones.”

Dean makes an annoyed face but nods. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Okay, we can go out and have lunch then.”

Dean grabs some clothes for him and goes to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Castiel gets up and goes to his duffle, grabbing some clothes for him too. He takes a pair of jeans, a dark blue shirt with some logo on it—or at least he thinks ‘Metallica’ is a logo—and a jacket since it seems windy outside. He gets changed quickly and walks to the balcony that the room has. He sits on one of the chairs there and decides to watch the movement in the city, people going through their daily routine, the sound of the traffic filling his ears, sounding very odd for him.

Dean comes out of the bathroom not so long after and he walks to the balcony as well. He sits in the chair beside Cas and admires the view. “You know, one thing I wish the bunker had is a balcony. The view would be beautiful from there. Especially the sky.”

Castiel looks at him, his head tilted. “The bunker?”

Dean puts his hand on his face, rubbing a hand on his stubble. “Right, I forgot you don’t remember. The bunker is where we live. You stay there sometimes as well when you're not out doing your angel stuff.”

Castiel makes an ‘oh’ face. “I see. Maybe you could build a balcony like this there.”

Dean scoffs. “I don’t think it would work. Most of the bunker is underground, so there wouldn’t be a place to build it.”

“Maybe we can find somewhere else to look at the view when we come back. Not necessarily from inside the bunker.”

Dean moves his eyes until they meet Castiel’s and smiles. “Maybe we can.” They stare at each other for a while, both smiling. Dean’s the first to break the eye-contact, raising from his chair and clearing his throat. “So, what do you say about going out and finding somewhere to eat? I’m starving”

“I think it’s a great idea.”

Castiel takes the hand Dean offers and stands up. They walk out of the room, Dean putting the key in one of his pockets. They walk to the elevator in comfortable silence and stay like that until they’re in the street. 

Dean points to the right side of the street. “So, I saw a restaurant on my way here that seems really good.”

“We can go there.” Dean smiles and they start walking in the direction Dean pointed out. “Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

“I was reading one of the books I bought yesterday, before you got here, and it has time-travel on it. When I got to that part, I felt a really hard pain in my head and then I had some flashes, which I think are some of my memories.”

Dean looks at Castiel, his brows furrowed. “Do you remember what they were?”

Castiel nods. "A little. I just remember some flashes without any context but all of them had you.”

“All right, lay ‘em on me.” 

“One of them was me and you in front of a young woman with a young man on her arms.”

Dean hums, turning to face the street again. “Those were my mom and dad. You sent me back to the time they were dating to try and stop the thing that killed my mom. What you remember is when you went to get me back to our time.”

Cas nods, stuffing his hands on his front pockets. “Other was you and Sam with some western clothes but there wasn’t too much on it, just that.”

“That time we needed phoenix ashes to kill a monster and the only phoenix we knew about was in a different time than ours, so you sent me and Sam to get it and we needed to change our normal clothes because it was a very different time. What was next?”

“The third was you and me in a motel room, with you saying that you would be back as soon as you could. I remember I felt very exhausted and you cleaned some blood from my face.”

Dean seems to think a little more, squinting his eyes. “Oh, yeah, I remember that. We went back to save my parents from another angel, who wanted to kill Sam, but you wouldn't let her, so she decided to kill our parents so we would’ve never been born.”

Cas tilts his head. “She doesn’t seem like a nice angel.”

Dean scoffs. “Oh yeah, she wasn’t. She was for a while or at least pretended to be. Anything else?”

“Yes, the last one was me and you by a road, and you had your hand on my shoulder, saying I shouldn’t ever change.”

Dean smiles fondly. “Oh yeah, that one wasn’t on you. You actually saved me from another angel. He sent me forward in time to try and teach me a lesson. And I did learn something, it just wasn’t what he wanted. He got me back and was threatening me, so you came and saved me from him. There was another version of you in the time he sent me, and he was  _ completely _ different from who you are, that’s why I said to you to never change.”

Castiel smiles. “You seemed really sincere in that memory.”

“It’s because I was. I mean, that other Cas was fine and all, don’t think I got enough time to really know him, but I really like you the way you are. Even when you're a dumbass.” Dean smiles at Castiel, putting his arm around Castiel's shoulder.

They walk for a few more minutes, this time in silence. Castiel thinks that maybe he did right by not asking Dean if their relationship was more than just friendship. Maybe he’s scared of how Castiel would react—Castiel can’t really blame him. He decides not to say anything since he doesn’t remember anything, and he doesn’t want to make Dean uncomfortable.

They get to a traditional German restaurant that seems really nice, so they go in and a waiter takes them to a table for two, giving each a menu. 

Dean raises his eyes to Castiel. “So, do you want to try something traditional from here?”

Castiel nods, giving a quick look over his menu. “We should. We are in Berlin so we should enjoy and try their food. It seems good and different from the burgers you brought us yesterday.”

Dean hums. “They certainly do. But what I really want to try is their beer. That’s one of the things Germans are most famous for.”

Castiel smiles. “We can try it as well. Do they have more than one?”

Dean nods, excited, his eyes filling with happiness. “They do. There are some I want to try before we go home.”

“It seems good, Dean.” Castiel smiles at Dean’s excitement.

They look at their menus, trying to decide what to get. Castiel helps Dean understand the menu since it’s in German, translating everything as they try to decide. They set on Königsberger Klopse, which is a kind of meatball, sauerkraut, and Spätzle, a kind of pasta. Dean chooses the beer for them: Erdinger Wibier Dunkel; he talks about it with such excitement that Castiel almost wishes he knew more about beers—or anything at all, at the moment. 

After giving the menus back to the waiter, Dean looks at Castiel. “So, where do you want to go today?”

Castiel tilts his head. “I don’t know. I don’t even know what there is to see here, Dean.”

Dean bites his lower lip, trying to suppress a smile. “Sorry, I keep forgetting. So, as an angel, you saw everything that has ever happened here, so maybe going to places that have history can help you remember something. You said that reading the book made you remember a few things so it’s worth a shot, don't you think?”

Castiel shrugs, fidgeting with his napkin. “I agree. But everything I remembered involved you. Do you think I’ll remember something that doesn’t involve you?”

Dean blushes a little and scratches his neck, avoiding Castiel's eyes. “I don’t know, Cas, but what can we do? Walk around the city is already a bonus, so we may as well try it and if you do remember something, that'll be awesome. It’s a win-win situation.”

Castiel gives Dean a small smile. “All right. What can you tell me about how we met? I assume angels aren’t really common here.”

Dean huffs a laugh, rubbing his hand on his growing stubble. “Well, I first met you in a barn, ‘cause I summoned you, otherwise, I don't even know when or  _ if _ you would show up. You had gotten me out of hell but I didn’t know it was you or why you did it. I thought it was some powerful demon that got me out of there, for some twisted reason as they usually have. I had a hard time believing you were really an angel ‘cause we had never seen one or even heard about it, so I thought you were lying, trying to win my trust or something like it. Sam was a lot more cool with the fact that angels did exist, the freakin’ nerd.”

Castiel tilts his head, brows knitted in a frown, “Why didn’t you believe in angels? You already knew about demons, why not believe in the opposite?”

Dean smiles a little sadly. “You said almost the same thing to me when we first met. You also said that good things do happen. I still don’t believe a lot in that but you still seem to believe.”

Castiel shrugs. “Well, I don’t remember a lot but I do believe good things do happen. If they didn’t, I don’t think you would have been able to find me or I wouldn’t have been able to remember you.”

Dean runs a hand on his hair, shrugging. “Maybe. But I’m just glad to know that, even without your memories, you’re still the same.”

“Well, I think that the person who took my memories didn’t take my personality as well.”

Dean agrees. It doesn’t escape Castiel that Dean didn’t answer the question but he decides to let it pass—maybe Dean doesn’t feel comfortable about it. The waiter comes back with their order and Castiel’s mouth starts to water. The smell is so good, like nothing he ever smelled—but that’s probably because he doesn’t remember.

Castiel is the first to speak after they start to eat, “How was the trip here?”

Dean takes a deep breath, looking at the ceiling and then looking at Castiel again, “Horrible. 14 hours on a plane and I couldn’t do anything.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, I get so nervous that makes it hard for me to do anything other than think the plane's gonna crash anytime and I’m gonna die.” Dean takes a bite out of his fork, snapping his fingers when something seems to come to his mind. “Oh, there was one time that Sam and I had to fight a demon on a plane once. Worst and hardest hunt  _ ever _ . Thank fuck we never had to do one like that after. At least this time I had my phone, so I spent the entire flight hearing Metallica and drinking. I just don’t know how I didn’t get drunk from how much I drank during those hours.”

Castiel smiles softly, putting his hand on Dean's arm. “I can imagine it was a hard hunt for you. Thank you for going through all those hours on a plane for me. If I knew, I would have gone by myself.”

Dean waves him off. “Of course not, Cas. You’re family, some hours on a plane is nothing compared to other things you’ve been through because of us. And I could never let you get on a plane by yourself having no memories at all. No offence.”

Castiel chuckles, shaking his head. “But I really appreciate it, Dean.”

Dean gives Castiel a gentle smile, adoration in his eyes—even if he doesn’t know it. They finish eating, pay their bill and leave the restaurant. Dean takes a map from his pocket, stopping Castiel from walking too far away from him. “Do you prefer to walk or drive to where we are going?”

Castiel shrugs. “I think walking is better. It seems such a beautiful city to drive and miss it.”

Dean smiles. “All right. I thought we could go to the Reichstag, which is near the Brandenburg Gate.” He points at them in the map, “I think they would be awesome places to see and they’ll probably help you remember something. Sam also said that there’s something I’ll probably like called strudel?” Dean says it slowly, his accent strong on the word, dragging the l.

Castiel smiles and says it like it is in German, “Strudel, yes. Is it a type of food too?”

Dean nods. “A kind of sweet, according to Sam. We could try to find a place near there and try it, what do you say?”

Castiel’s smile widen. “It’s a great idea, Dean.” 

Dean also smiles at Castiel and they start to walk in the direction of the Pariser Platz.


	7. Memories Never Killed Anyone

During their walk towards the Pariser Platz, Dean tells Castiel some memorable things that happened with them since they’ve met. Dean tells him about the time, when Castiel was recovering from a big trauma—Dean didn’t say what the trauma was or seemed like he wanted to talk about it, and Castiel has the feeling that maybe he doesn't want to know it either, so he lets it slide—, that he showed up covered in bees in Dean’s car. Dean needed the angel’s help about an ingredient they needed to find to kill a monster they were hunting, and Castiel still had his wings around that time, so he could just fly to Dean or anyone that was calling him. Dean was alone in the car, praying to Castiel to see if the angel knew anything about the ingredient, and then he showed up in the front seat of the Impala, naked, hundreds of bees in him, probably sticking with honey—Dean says he didn’t check to see if Castiel truly had honey on his skin, too worried about not driving the car off the roadway and not letting a bee stink him. The angel acted totally normal, like he was not covered in insects or naked or spreading honey all over the leather seat. Dean says that he wanted to kill Castiel for almost ruining the seat and was almost traumatized by that, but he laughs about it now, but only because it’s been half a decade since it happened.

Dean also tells him about the time they were looking for an archangel, who Castiel thought could help them find God. Dean says that Castiel showed up when he was cleaning his jacket from vampire blood—_ I knew I had a memory about that, I just didn’t know what was the context of it _—, begging for his help. (“I’m sure I didn’t beg, Dean.” “You did, buddy, believe me.”). Dean says he tried to teach some stuff to Castiel about humanity that day: how they lie to get what they want, not go telling people the truth about angels and demons. 

Dean chuckles as they cross the avenue. “I even tried to get you laid but didn’t work out. But I did have fun that day, so it was worth it.” 

That warms Castiel’s heart as Dean keeps telling about how they found the archangel and how Cas was a badass that day. 

"You probably were influenced by me.” Dean gives him a smug smile as Castiel shakes his head fondly at him.

He tells a few more stories, just trying to let Cas know more about himself and their history. 

When they get to the street the Gate is set in, Dean starts to look for a place to buy the strudel Sam told him about—the freaking nerd as Dean calls him—and Castiel just follows him, satisfied to just watch Dean walking around and pointing at the things he thinks are nice, just as a little child would do. When they finally find the strudel, Dean buys one for him and one for Castiel, Dean’s eyes sparkling with anticipation to try it out.

They give their first bite and moan with the deliciousness of the dessert. They start to walk again in the direction of the Gate, talking about what they think about the strudel, the filling melting inside their mouths. Dean says he loves it but it could never take the pies’ place.

When they finally get in front of the Gate, their dessert is long gone. They look at the gigantic thing in front of them in awe, mouths hanging open. Castiel follows Dean to get closer to the Gate, so they can look more carefully at the details. Castiel starts to get a small pain on the back of his head as his mind is flooded with memories. 

“I think I’m remembering a few things.” Dean looks at him, his brows raised in expectation. Castiel rubs his fingers on the back of his head. “Uh, well, the Gate was built between 1788 and 1791 by Frederick II, who was a Prussian King, as an entry to the city. The statue is called Quadriga and the woman in is the goddess of victory, driving a chariot pulled by four horses. When Napoleon Bonaparte invaded the city, he ordered that the statue was removed and sent to Paris, something about using it as a show of power to the Prussians. It stayed in a storage in France until 1814, when the Prussian soldiers invaded Paris and they sent it back to Berlin, and the statue was put back in place. But they restored it with an iron cross, representing the military victory the Prussians had over Paris. The cross was removed during the Cold War when the USSR had power over the East part of the city and they removed it, but was restored in 1990 during Germany’s second unification and it’s been there until now.”

Dean whistles, looking at the statue on top of the Gate. “Wow, I never thought a gate could have so much history. This is where they divided the city during the Cold War, right? With the Wall?”

Castiel nods, smiling. “Yes, that is correct.”

Dean smiles at himself, a glint of pride in his eyes. “Hey, at least I remember something from school. Who would have known?”

Castiel stares at Dean. “I’m sure you remember a great number of things, Dean. You just don’t give yourself enough credit.”

Dean scoffs, waving Castiel off. “I don’t think so. Anyway, do you wanna go look at it closer? It seems to have something on the pillars.”

Castiel rolls his eyes softly but ends up nodding and walks with Dean until they are under the gate, looking at the pillars. Dean snaps his fingers and turns to Castiel, smiling. 

“You know what we should do? Take some pictures. Sam will die of jealousy, especially because he’s missing a history class.”

Castiel tilts his head, staring at Dean with squinted eyes. “I can tell him all of this when we get there.”

Dean shrugs. “Won’t be the same. And here I was, thinking I would never be happy to hear about history in my life.”

Castiel smiles and they walk back to the front of the gate and Dean asks a lady that is passing by if she can take a picture of them.

She smiles at them and takes the phone from Dean’s hand. “Of course.” They pose in front of the gate, doing lots of different poses, smiling and joking in most of them, but they take the last one with an arm around the other’s shoulder, a sweet smile lighting their faces up, and both of them with fond in their eyes. 

The lady returns the phone to Dean, with a soft smile. “You two make a really cute couple.” She smiles one more time, patting Dean's arm, and then leaves.

Dean stays frozen in place, staring with big wide eyes at the woman walking away. Castiel stops at Dean’s side and takes the phone from his hands, looking at pictures. “These are really good.” He notices Dean is frozen and tilts his head. “Is everything okay, Dean?”

Dean shakes his head and blinks, moving his gaze to Castiel. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” He looks at the phone in Castiel’s hand. “They do seem good. I’ll send some to Sam when we get back to the hotel. He’ll be so jealous.”

Castiel smiles and hands the phone back to Dean. “I’m sure he will.” 

“So, what’s the history of the Wall?”

Castiel sighs, rubbing his fingers on his temple. “Well, it was built by the Soviets during the Cold War. They started the construction on August 13, 1961, and it stood until November 9, 1989. The USSR built it because there were a lot of people crossing the border from the East to the West, where the Capitalist part was. That part got the US’s help to rebuild after World War II, so they had better living conditions than the socialist part. The USSR did a blockade in 1948, before the Wall, in the city, trying to make the US, France, and England retreat from the city, by starving the West Berlin. But the three countries supplied the West part with airplanes with everything they needed, which was called the Berlin Airlift. The Soviets decided to call the blockade off in 1949 because it didn't work. The US helped the Western part reconstruct, lending money and making it as the face of capitalism, so the USSR decided to build the Wall so the people on their side wouldn’t run to the West part of the city because the communist party was in terrible conditions, even more when the USSR started to decline and lose money, not being able to maintain the city. On November 9, 1989, the spokesman East Berlin’s Communist Party said that they would change their relations with the West part and starting, at midnight, people would be free to cross the gate. The city’s population started to knock the Wall away on that day, using anything they had at the moment.”

“People must have been crazy to knock the Wall down.” Castiel hums. “I remember lots of people died trying to get past it.”

Castiel agrees. “Yes, almost 1400 people.”

Dean sucks a breath in. “I can’t believe people here are so kind after everything they’ve been through. I know I wouldn't be.”

“They seem to have learned from their mistakes with the two wars. Or maybe they are kind because they know how bad it is when people aren’t kind to others.”

“Yeah, it can be that.” Dean looks around. “So, where to now? We could go to the Reichstag, get something to eat and then head back to the hotel. I think we are having a pretty good day already.”

Castiel smiles, nodding. “It seems like a good idea.”

They start to walk again, the Reichstag being a little farther away. Castiel talks a little more about the city, how it was devasted during the two world wars, the fights to get the power of it, the unification of the country before World War I and after World War II.

When they get to the Reichstag, they stare in awe at the greatness of the place; the doors and the windows are made in glass, letting them see some of the inside of the building. It has a glass dome in the middle of it, reflecting a few rays of sunlight. There are a few people on the grass around it, friends and families having picnics and enjoying their day. Castiel smiles as he and Dean walk towards the building. Castiel ignores the small pain in the back of his head as a few memories start coming back to him. 

They register at the front and pass by security before they're directed to the elevator. The young woman explained to them that they can see most of the building from the dome and that the view from up there is gorgeous. Castiel tells Dean about the building as they wait for the elevator; like how the building was built between 1884 and 1894, and was used until 1933, when it was set on fire, damaging it severely. 

"During the decade of 1960," Cas continues, "it was made safe against the rain and the wind, and partially refurbished, but it was only fully restored after the German reunification in 1990. It was completed in 1999 and became the meeting place of the German parliament. They use the word Reichstag only for the building, currently. They use Bundestag to the institution set here.”

Dean raises one eyebrow as they step out of the elevator. “Why?”

“Well, because Reichstag dates back to the Holy Roman Empire and it’s mainly related to an empire rather than a democracy, so they stopped using it since World War II. Bundestag means Federal Diet, which is why they use it for the institution, being a Republic as they are, not an Empire anymore.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, it does make sense.” He looks around, head bowed down to look down. “You know, this place it’s beautiful. They must have done a great job restoring it because I could never tell it was damaged if you hadn’t told me.”

Castiel smiles. “I think that’s exactly what they want. And it is very beautiful.”

Dean hums and they walk around, Dean's hand always glued to the rail. Castiel can feel how Dean gets more and more nervous as they walk around, but decides against saying anything; he knows Dean doesn't like heights. pThey walk around the space, looking at what they can see under them and at the people outside the building. Castiel has to admit; humanity really manages to create incredible things sometimes. 

When they finish seeing everything, they walk out of the building and again ask for someone to take some pictures of them. They make almost the same poses they did in the Gate but they don’t find it in them to care, worried only about the fun they are having.

They take the phone back and look at the pictures, which are great. They decide to call it a day and find somewhere to eat and then head back to the hotel.


	8. The Haunter of the Dark

While they are at the restaurant, waiting for their food, the headache Castiel is feeling starts to get worse, though this time the pain is different—it feels like there's someone squeezing his head, trying to make it explode like a ripe melon on the sun. Castiel thanks that they are sitting so he can lower his head on top of his arms, keeping his eyes closed, while Dean checks in with Sam, Rowena, and Charlie. 

Castiel squeezes his eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain to see if it'll go away. Of course it doesn't, so Cas pinches his arm, trying to see if one pain will cancel the other, or, at least, sooth the headache a little. It also doesn’t and, if anything, the pain seems to get slightly worse.

He doesn't know how long he stays like that, not quite registering what is happening around him until Dean puts a hand on his shoulder and Castiel hears his voice, "Cas? Are you okay?"

Castiel raises his head slowly, squinting his eyes against the lights from the street. He blinks a few times and looks at Dean's eyes, which are filled with concern, brows furrowed as he stares at Castiel. Castiel rubs a hand on his forehead, shaking his head softly. "My head hurts. It's as if there is someone trying to squeeze my brain."

"Is it like when you were reading the book?" Castiel shakes his head. "Stronger?" Castiel nods, pressing his fingers on his temple. Dean rubs soothing circles on Cas's arms. "All right. We'll stop at a drugstore on our way back and get some aspirins for you. I'm gonna call Rowena and take our food. Stay here, okay?"

Castiel nods and lowers his head again, eyes squeezing shut. He listens as Dean's chair creaks against the concrete when he stands up, a flash of stronger pain on the side of his head at the sound. Castiel puts his hands on his ears, trying to deafen the sounds from the restaurant and the street. The pain seems to start losing some of its intensity after a few minutes, making Castiel sigh with relief, shoulders relaxing. 

He sits straight again, keeping his eyes half-closed against the light, looking inside of the restaurant and seeing Dean coming out with the bags in his hands and his phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder. Castiel stands up and walks up to him to help him. Dean smiles at him, handing one of the bags and holding his phone with his free hand. "C'mon Rowena, you must know something." Castiel doesn't hear what she says on the other end of the line, just Dean rolling his eyes and letting out an exasperated sigh. "Fine! You don't need to yell at me, jeez. Anything can help right now, y'know? Let me know if you find anything else, please?" Dean speaks sarcastically, his eyes widening as he hears her answer. He hangs up, putting his phone back in his pocket as he turns his head to looks at Castiel. "Y'know, she can be really annoying sometimes."

"Does she know what is causing my headache?"

"Well, she said that it's probably your memories trying to come back into your mind. Which makes sense because you only started to feel the pain after remembering something. They're probably a trigger but she says it can be good, ‘cause that gives us hope that they'll be able to find something to get your memories back."

Castiel scoffs, suppressing the want to rolls his eyes. "I'm happy my pain is good news."

"Don't worry, Cas, we'll find something to stop the pain, okay? Oh, she also said that the fact you eat but doesn't sleep is an effect from the spell."

"What do you mean?"

"This spell is super strong and your grace is fighting against it, ‘cause the spell is supposed to let people totally useless and vulnerable, but your grace is trying to fight it. If you sleep, you'll be more vulnerable because you won't see what's happening around you. So it only gives you hunger, which, according to her, your grace is using the food as fuel."

Castiel nods, trying to ignore the pain on the back of his head. When Dean sees Castiel wobbling a little, he changes the hand he's holding the bags, and puts an arm around Castiel's waist, to make sure he won’t lose his balance. Castiel also puts his arm around Dean, letting some of his weight lay on him.

They stop at a drugstore on their way back to the hotel to get some painkillers for Castiel, the hardest ones they could find and buy.

Castiel takes three pills once they get back to the hotel, and sits with his back against the headboard, legs crossed under him. Dean gives him one of the bags and they eat while watching the third season of Game of Thrones, sharing their theories of what would happen next. Castiel's head starts to get a lot better between episodes three and four, which he’s really thankful for.

They watch the show with their sides touching, Dean’s hand rubbing soothing circle on Castiel’s neck, until it’s almost three A.M. when Dean gets really sleepy, so they decide to turn the TV off and go to sleep. Well, Dean decides to sleep while Castiel will read his book.

Castiel leaves the bedside lamp on, which won’t disturb Dean’s sleep, and he immerses himself in Lovecraft's book. He reads for a couple of hours until he gets to a tale about a young writer who summons a being from the depths of time and space.

As he reads the tale, his head starts to hurt again, memories starting to flow through his mind, most of them involving a short black-haired man, a young woman with long, blond hair, and a lot of blood on Castiel’s hands; some also have Dean and Sam in it; Castiel talking to Dean in the middle of the night, the windows by their side covered in different sigils. 

Castiel suddenly moves, jumping on the bed, eyes widening with fear, and his heart hammering against his chest as he takes fast, short breaths. The book falls on the floor with a loud noise, waking Dean up, who sits immediately with a gun on his hands, wide eyes scanning the room for any threats, ready to pull the trigger if necessary. Once he sees that there isn't a threat, he focuses his eyes on Castiel, who has his gaze focused on a spot on the wall, unblinking. Dean slowly puts the gun on the nightstand, trying not to make too much noise as not to startle Castiel.

Dean puts a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, who jumps at the touch and snaps his head at Dean, ragged breaths coming out his nose. Dean raises his hands in redemption. “Wow, calm down, it’s okay, it’s okay. It’s just me, it’s Dean," he tries to keep his voice calm and firm.

Castiel lets a shaky breath out and blinks rapidly, finally seeing Dean in front of him. “Dean.”

Dean nods slowly, lowering his hands. “Yeah, buddy, it’s me. Don’t worry, you’re okay.” Dean slowly moves his hand until one of them is on Castiel’s shoulder, waiting to see the angel’s reaction. "What happened?”

Castiel focuses his eyes on Dean’s, pupils dilated, inhaling a sharp breath. “I-I, I d-don’t know.” Castiel puts his hands on his face and inhales shakily.

Dean runs his hand down until it’s in Castiel’s back and he starts rubbing soothing patterns there. “Shh, it’s okay. What were you doing before I woke up?”

“Reading the book,” he answers, his voice muffled by his hands.

Dean nods, taking his hand from Castiel’s back, and moves until he’s able to get the book on the floor, and then sits back to his original position, resuming his hand on Castiel. “Okay, let’s see what was happening in the scene you were reading.” Dean opens the book and looks at the title of the tale Castiel was reading. “The Haunter of the Dark.” Castiel curls into himself, arms around his knees,l when he hears the name, whining. Dean raises an eyebrow. “I know that name. Why do I know that name?” He looks at Castiel again. “What did you remember, Cas?”

“A short, black-haired man, with a British accent, a blond young woman and me with blood on my hands. You and I talking at a house.”

Dean closes his eyes, his hand stopping in the middle of the movement. “Crap.”

Castiel raises his head up, staring at Dean. “What? What is it?”

Dean takes a deep breath and opens his eyes. “I-I’m not sure I should tell you this, Cas. You’re not gonna like it.”

Castiel sits straight and gets closer to Dean, his bright, blue eyes big with desperation. “Please, Dean, I need to know.”

Dean tries to stare at those eyes and not give in, but he sighs a few seconds after, placing the book at the nightstand and starts to speak with a low voice, “Uh, a few years ago, there was a war going in Heaven, ‘cause you, me, and Sam stopped the Apocalypse, and one of the Archangels wanted to start it all again, so you were trying to stop him.” Dean takes his hand from Castiel and runs it through his hair, sighing. “There were some problems during that time and you tried to win that war alone, so you made a deal with a demon named Crowley, who Sam and I thought was dead. He's probably the man you saw ‘cause it sounds like him. Well, you two tried to open the door to Purgatory, just like Lovecraft did, to get the souls that were there. With all those souls, you would be able to kill the archangel Raphael, who was trying to bring Michael and Lucifer back, and then stop him from restarting the Apocalypse.” Dean looks at Castiel’s eyes and they seem even bluer than usual, sparkling with some tears. Dean stops at that, not wanting to make Cas feel bad about himself (again).

Castiel puts his hand on top of Dean’s that is resting on his knee. “Keep going, Dean.”

Dean sighs. “To open that door, you found the woman that came from Purgatory when Lovecraft and his friends opened the door, and, to open it again, you needed her blood. She’s the woman you remembered. You killed her to get the blood you needed to open the door.”

Castiel’s face falls and Dean sees some tears roll down his face. He sighs and embraces him in a crushing hug. Castiel puts his arms around Dean and buries his face on Dean’s neck, a sob making it way up his throat. Dean rubs soothing patterns on Castiel’s back, whispering comfort words to him, trying to stop Castiel from shaking.

“We already forgave you for that, Cas. It wasn’t the best choice and you could have done something different, but you regretted it and you paid for what happened after that, believe me. You can trust me on that. There’s no need for you to feel bad about it again. You paid the price for it.”

Castiel shakes his head against Dean's. “How can you forgive me for killing an innocent woman? I should have never be forgiven for that.  _ Ever _ .”

Dean scoffs. “If you knew all the things me and Sam did, you wouldn’t feel so bad. Cas, in this life, we have to make so many hard decisions by ourselves and, sometimes, we just don’t make the right ones. We normally don’t choose the best and easiest option, believe me, but we do our best whenever we need and, if we make mistakes, we clean up our messes,  _ always _ . And you cleaned up your mess on that.”

Castiel raises his head and looks at Dean with a glint of hope behind the tears. “I did?” Dean nods. Castiel takes a deep breath and lets go of Dean, cleaning his tears. Dean puts his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and gives him a reassuring smile.

“Let’s watch some Game of Thrones. It’s not worth thinking about things that we can’t change. They are in the past and it's not worth torturing yourself over it.”

Castiel gives him a half-smile and sits with his back against the headboard, with Dean by his side. Dean turns the TV on and Castiel rests his head on his shoulder, with one of Dean’s arms around his shoulders, rubbing soothing patterns, and trying to focus his attention on the show instead of all the images flooding his mind, and the pain in his head, stronger than ever.

↞❤↠

When it’s almost eight A.M., they decide to go out to have breakfast and then walk around the city some more. Dean says he plans to take Castiel to a museum and then to the spy museum he saw near the Brandenburg Gate.

They stop at a 7-Eleven to get some coffee and something to eat. Castiel takes the largest cup of coffee there is in the store.

Dean looks at him and smiles. “You know, you were a big fan of coffee when you were human. You drank it all the time. Couldn’t even function in the morning without it.”

Castiel takes a sip and then stares at Dean, with his head tilted. “I was human?”

“Oh yeah, but not for long.” They walk out of the store after paying and start their walk to the first museum. “There was this other angel who stole your grace and sent you to Earth as a human. It was a hard time.” Dean avoids Castiel’s eyes, making the angel suspicious.

Castiel squints his eyes. “What is it, Dean?”

“Nothing, nothing. C’mon, we don’t wanna lose too much daylight or the museums will close.”

Dean starts to walk a little faster and leaves Castiel behind. Castiel stares at Dean’s back a little suspicious, but he decides to let the subject go, thinking it's not worth pressing the matter. He walks a little faster until he’s beside Dean again.

They keep talking during their walk, keeping the conversation light, until they arrive at Berlin’s Museum Island. They get their tickets quickly, thankful that there aren’t too many people there.

Dean looks at Castiel once they get inside the building. “So, anything that helps you remember something here?”

Castiel sighs and looks around, thinking. “Well, the first museum here,” he points at the oldest building, “was called Old Museum, built in 1830 and it was designed to give the public access to collections of art and historically important objects and artifacts. They started calling it with the same name they use today in the 1870s and completed the construction in 1930. A lot of rulers and princes used their collections as a resource for knowledge, scholarship and national pride during the modern period."

"Why?"

"Well, during the modern era, whoever had the biggest collection of knowledge was considered the best, because it was around the time the first universities were founded, so knowledge was very important for them. Each ruler wanted to have the biggest and best collection of all the knowledge they had around that time."

Dean hums. "Can't say they're wrong. What more?"

"They have five museums here: the Pergamonmuseum,” Castiel taps at one of the drawings in their flyer, “where there is the Pergamon Altar, the Ishtar Gate, the Roman Market Gate of Miletus, and a big Islamic art collection; they also have the Bode-Museum, that houses an extensive collection of sculptures from the medieval period to the late eighteenth century, treasures from the Museum of Byzantine Art, and the Numismatic Collection; the third museum" Castiel points at a big building on their left side, "is the Neues Museum, that was severely damaged in World War II and stayed a ruin until 1999, when it was renovated. It houses the Egyptian Museum, the Papyrus Collection, the Museum of Prehistory and Early History, and the Collection of Classical Antiquities. Nefertiti’s bust is there as well. There is also the Alte Nationalgalerie, where there are paintings and sculptures from the neoclassical period through Romanticism to the Biedermeier period, that went from 1815 to 1848, and also Impressionist and early modernist art; and the last one, the Altes Museum, which has arts and sculptures from ancient Greece to the Roman Empire and the largest Etruscan art collection outside of Italy.”

Dean whistles impressed. “Wow, we could spend days here to see all of it. Who’s Nefertiti’s?”

“She was an Ancient Egyptian queen. She and her husband were known for a religious revolution, worshiping only one god known as Aten. They did the revolution because the people in charge of the temples for the gods started having too much power and they wanted to throw them both out of the throne. So they decided to take the power out of them. During her reign, Egypt was in one of its wealthiest periods and started to decline after they died.” 

“She sounds pretty badass. Maybe we could go to that museum.”

Castiel nods. “Egypt does sound nice.”

They start to walk in the direction of the museum, as Dean talks, “Y'know, I always liked Egypt in school. Not so much after that Osiris guy tried to kill me.”

Castiel turns his head to Dean, one brow raised. “What do you mean?”

Dean shrugs. “Well, a couple of years ago, I killed a monster that was Sam’s friend and I felt pretty guilty about it after. So Osiris decided to get me and try to kill me ‘cause I was feeling guilty. We weren’t able to kill him, just kinda put him to sleep. But at least he was the only Egyptian god we met so far.”

“I thought there weren’t any other gods.”

Dean looks at Castiel confused. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, because angels are from Christianity, right?” Dean nods. “So if God exists, how can more gods exist?”

“Well, we know that almost all gods exist, not only the Christian God. There are some that aren’t even remembered anymore, but they’re still here. But don’t worry, they usually stay away, not causing lots of trouble.”

“I hope so.”

“They do ‘cause they know that if they try to come here, me and Sam will kill them.” Dean smiles as Castiel rolls his eyes, suppressing a smile.

They get to the museum and walk all around it. Castiel remembers more as they go around it, the pain on the back of his head getting a bit stronger every time a new memory comes. He decides to keep it for him, not wanting to worry Dean over what must be nothing. They see many sculptures, Nerfititi’s bust, papyrus, and prehistoric objects—or, as Dean calls them, the weird things people used to do when they didn’t have Netflix.

When they finish their tour around the museum, Dean decides they should go to the Spy Museum he saw because, according to him, ‘It must be the most awesome thing in this city’, so they leave the museum they’re in and start to walk to the other museum, which is only half an hour walk from where they are.

They stop at a food truck on their way and get a currywurst, a type of sausage seasoned with curry. They eat it with beer, talking to the owner of the truck about the city. When they finish eating, the owner tells them an easier way to get to the museum and they thank him.

When they get to the museum, they buy their tickets (Dean never appreciated more the fact that it isn’t school break so everything is a lot emptier than normal).

Castiel turns to face Dean and finds his friend with an excited face, like a child on Christmas morning. “Ready to go in?”

Dean nods anxiously. “More than ready.”

They both smile and enter the museum.


	9. Winchester, Dean Winchester

As soon as they get inside the museum, there are lots of cameras pointed at them and various others along the corridor, and a wall with monitors in all of its extension, each with a different image from each camera they’re connected to, just as a security room would look like. They make various faces, joking with each other, taking some photos as well. 

“Sam will be so jealous.” Castiel doesn't fail to notice how happy Dean looks when he talks about it, just as a little child would. Castiel is also pretty sure Dean will be happy no matter if Sam gets jealous or not, but it doesn’t seem to matter to Dean.

After they get tired of the cameras, they start walking again, getting to a long tunnel, called the “The Time Tunnel”. It shows different technologies at different times, separated with lines in the walls, the dates marked in paint beside each line. They follow the tunnel, discussing each thing, and Dean says that both Sam and Charlie would get crazy if they saw all of that, and would get all geeky about it. Castiel smiles as Dean walks around, pointing at what he knows and what he doesn’t, sometimes asking Castiel if he remembers about them.

The tunnel leads them into the museum, finally getting to the part Dean seems more excited to get to.

The room they enter after the tunnel is big, occupying most of the museum, with various paper walls around, separating the different parts of the museum. They walk around, playing at all the parts, solving all the mysteries the museum has to offer—faster than most people for being a hunter and an angel, even breaking some high scores—until Dean finds the laser maze and nothing else is as cool as that.

He looks at Cas, a puppy look on his face. “Can we go? Please?” Dean extends the ‘ple’, making it sound like ‘pleeeeeeeeeeee’, batting his eyelashes at Castiel.

Castiel smiles at Dean's excitement. “Of course we can, Dean. It seems fun.”

Dean’s face lightens up with a big smile and he practically runs to get inside the maze. Castiel laughs and starts to walk to follow Dean inside. Dean’s practically jumping in the same spot with a big smile on his face when Castiel enters the room, signalling impatiently for Castiel to go walk faster. Castiel looks around and sees lots of green lasers, pointing from one wall to the other, just the thin lines of them appearing.

Dean turns to Castiel, rubbing his hands together. “We can pretend we are James Bond, that’s so cool!”

Castiel smiles at him. “I don’t know who that is but I’m content to see you’re happy.”

Dean claps his hands together and rubs them. “All right, let’s do this.”

Dean goes in front of Castiel and starts moving around the lasers, doing his best not to touch them, using some very awkward and uncomfortable looking positions. Castiel looks at the maze and thinks that there should be an easier way to get to the other side instead of whatever it is that Dean is trying to do. He blinks and, when he opens his eyes, he sees a wall in front of him that wasn’t there before. He turns and sees Dean behind him, lip between his teeth as he concentrates on his movement. Castiel turns again, looking at the wall in front of him and then at Dean. He tilts his head, trying to think how he got there. 

Dean stops in the middle of a movement, one leg up, his back down and his arms on awkward positions, and raises his head, looking at Castiel. “Dude! Not fair. You shouldn’t use your powers.“

Castiel raises a brow at Dean, slightly lowering his head. “I didn’t intend on using my powers. My apologies.”

Dean laughs, trying not to touch the laser on top of his head. “Don’t worry.” He lowers his leg slowly, trying not to get it on the laser and, when he's about to cross the last laser, he touches it and an alarm goes off, the green lights disappearing. “Damn it!” He walks out of the maze looking angry.

Castiel fights back a smile, only the corner of his lips quirking up. “I think you lost it.” Dean makes a bitch face that could contest Sam’s.

“You don’t have to rub it in my face, okay?

The angel raises his hands in surrender, smiling. “Besides not completing the maze, did you like the museum?”

Dean nods. “I did. Oh, Sam is going to be so jealous when I tell him about this. So, where are we going now?”

“We can get something to eat and then go back to the hotel. We still have episodes of Game of Thrones to watch.”

“All right. We should get burgers. I’m missing those already.”

"I have a feeling you're always missing burgers, Dean."

Dean shrugs, putting his arm around Castiel's shoulder. "What can I do? They're my favourite food."

↞❤↠

On their way back to the hotel, they find a diner that has a delicious smell coming out of it and decide to stop and eat. They both choose burgers—Castiel's the same as Dean's—and, as soon as Dean looks at the pies, he starts drooling at them, wanting to take all of them to the hotel. Castiel only raises his brows at him, a small smile on his lips as he watches Dean mumbling to himself.

They get their burgers to go and Dean chooses two pieces of pie for each other (“You’ll love it, Cas, I’m sure of it!”). While they wait for their order to get ready, they look around the diner, talking about their day. 

After ten minutes of waiting, Dean’s phone rings and he sees Sam’s name on it. He stands up and leaves Castiel, signalling for him that he’ll be right back. Castiel nods, smiling at him. Dean smiles back and answers the phone, walking away with a “Yeah?”

Castiel stays there, looking around the diner, smiling at the families and groups of friends he sees there, the whole ambience being a balm to him. He doesn’t remember how his family is—or if he even has a family—and how it is in the bunker. Dean hasn’t told much about it but, from what he did tell him, they seemed like a family as well. Even Charlie and Rowena, who Castiel started to remember a little.

When Castiel turns his eyes to Dean again, he sees that he’s gesticulating a lot and he seems a little angry, his hand gesticulating as he speaks. Castiel thinks if he should go after him or just let him finish his call.

Castiel is starting to get up when he hears Dean, “I don’t know, Sam, figure something out! I don’t care how you’ll solve it,  _ just solve it _ !” Dean puts his phone back in his phone and walks back to where Castiel is, with his fist clenched and his brows furrowed.

When Dean sits by his side, Castiel puts a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay, Dean?”

Dean sighs and tries to give him a smile, but it looks a lot more like a grimace. “Yeah, I’m okay. Don’t worry, buddy.”

Castiel narrows his eyes at him. “Are you sure? You don’t seem fine. You can tell me, Dean. You don’t have to carry whatever is bothering you alone.”

Dean’s green eyes soften and he finally gives Castiel a small but true smile. He takes a deep breath before speaking, “Sam, Charlie, and Rowena are just having a hard time figuring out how to break your curse. But don’t worry, they’ll figure it out, I’m sure of it. We always figure something out.” 

The waiter puts their order in front of them and Castiel gives her a quick smile, taking the bags and then looking at Dean. “I know they will find out. And if they don’t, I know you will help me remember everything. And even if I don’t remember, I know you’ll still be there for me.”

Dean’s smile grows. “C’mon, let's go back to the hotel and eat. I'm starving.”

They stand up, Dean taking a bag from Castiel’s hand. They leave the diner, Castiel walking a little slow as his head starts to hurt again. He tries to keep his expression neutral, not wanting to pile more worry on Dean. It works for a couple of minutes and he manages to fall into the same pace as Dean, but it doesn’t take long before the pain in his head starts to get worse, starting to make it hard for him to see anything in front of him, white spots appearing in his vision. He puts one hand on Dean’s shoulder, stopping him as he tries to get some stability and not fall on the ground. 

Dean turns his head to Castiel, his forehead puckering with concern. “Cas, what is it?”

Castiel closes his eyes tightly, dropping the bag off his hand and putting both on his head. “My head hurts.” Castiel closes his eyes as his knees hit the floor. He opens them again but there’s nothing but white in his vision and he starts panicking. “I can’t see. Dean, I can't see!”

Dean drops the bags and puts his hands on Castiel’s shoulders. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay, it's okay. Do you want me to get you to a hospital?”

Castiel shakes his head, closing his eyes and pressing his palms on his eyelids. He slowly opens his eyes, the blank spots disappearing from his vision as he focuses on Dean’s, needing something solid in front of him. “No, I’m okay. The pain decreased a little. I think I'm okay.” He blinks a few times.

“Are you sure?” 

Castiel nods. “I can take some pills when we get back to the hotel. I’m sure the pain will stop.”

Dean takes one hand out of Castiel, waiting to see if the angel is stable. “Okay, let’s go. But if you don’t get better, we’ll go to a hospital and see if they can find out what it is.”

“Okay.” Castiel tries to give Dean a reassuring smile. Dean doesn’t seem convinced but lets Castiel go and takes the bags from the floor.

They start walking again, a little slower this time and in silence. Dean watches every move Castiel makes to be sure he won't suddenly collapse and keeps one hand free, just in case he'll need to hold Castiel. 

When they get back to the hotel, Dean pushes Castiel to the bathroom, telling him to take a shower so he can eat and take the pills after, and then try to get some rest. Castiel doesn’t even try to fight, just accepting what Dean tells him to do, too tired to do anything else.

So he goes to the bathroom, strips himself and gets under the hot spray of water. Castiel lets it melt the tension on his shoulders and fall on his head, trying to ease the pain in it. It helps so Castiel stays there until his muscles feel like jelly under the water and the pain seems to be weaker. He closes the tap and wraps himself in a towel. He goes to the room, shivering under the towel because of the cold breeze coming from the open balcony. Castiel can’t find Dean but he sees clean clothes on top of the bed, which he thinks are for him. He takes them and dresses himself as drops of cold water fall from his hair. After drying his hair, he still feels cold, so he wraps himself in one of the blankets from the bed and walks to the balcony, finding Dean in one of the chairs.

Castiel sits on the other chair, tightening his grip on the blanket. “Did you eat?”

Dean shakes his head, turning it to look at Castiel. “I was waiting for you. Are you feeling better?”

“A little. The headache is better but I’m feeling very cold now.”

Dean stands up, holding one hand out to Cas. “Then let’s get you out of the cold. I don’t want you getting sick. You can bundle in bed after eating and taking the pills. And no reading today, you hear me? We don’t want you getting worse the day we’re going back.”

Castiel stands up, accepting Dean’s hand, wrapping the blanket closer to him. “We are going home?”

Dean smiles. “Yeah, we're going home tomorrow. Maybe Rowena has something there to soothe your headache.”

They enter the room again and Dean closes the door to the balcony, while Castiel gets on the bed, getting under the other blankets. “Good. I’m anxious to see the bunker.”

“I’m sure you’re going to love it, Cas, don’t worry.” Dean gets the bags and the painkiller bottle, hading the later to Castiel and getting a glass of water. “Take two, eat and then rest. You may not be able to sleep but I think you can rest. Maybe watch some TV. Cartoons may be good and I don’t think they’ll make you feel worse.”

Castiel nods and takes the glass Dean’s offering. Dean sits beside Castiel, placing a hand on his forehead. “You’re a little warm but I don’t think enough to get concerned about it yet. I’ll check it again after we eat, see if the painkillers will help cool you down.”

Dean takes the glass from Castiel’s hand, putting it on the nightstand. They eat in silence, paying attention to the show on TV—sadly, not Game of Thrones, because Dean said Castiel can’t force his mind too much. Dean goes to take a shower after they finish eating and after he tucks Castiel under the three blankets he has on top of him. Castiel lets Dean tuck him in, feeling happy to be taken care of, and lets his eyes close as Dean walks to the bathroom, and he tries to focus only on the sounds of the TV.


	10. His True Love?

After Castiel closed his eyes, he kept dozing off, even though he doesn’t sleep. There were times he would hear the TV, or Dean walking around the room and muttering to himself. After a few hours, he feels a weight on his chest, but he doesn’t pay too much attention to it because it feels comfortable and warm, so he just huddles himself closer to it to enjoy the warmth. 

Around two A.M., Castiel sits upright in the bed, eyes squeezed shut because of the excruciating pain in his head. He thinks he hears a soft grunt somewhere on his left, but he doesn’t pay too much attention to it, not being able to register anything other than the pounding inside his brain.

He puts his hands on his head, pressing them on each side, groaning because of the pain. He tries to open his eyes but his vision unclear and it doesn’t let him see anything in front of him. His ears ring, making the pain seem even worse. He closes his eyes again, hoping it will make the ringing stop, but he still hears Dean’s voice sounding far away, “Hey, hey, Cas. Talk to me. What is it?”

“My head. It hurts, I can’t see clearly and my ears are ringing. Dean, what is happening to me?”

Castiel feels Dean’s hand on him, holding him still. “Breath, we’ll figure it out.” Dean gets out of the bed and gets one arm around Castiel's waist and putting one of his arms around his shoulders. “Come on, let’s get you under the water, it may help.”

Castiel does his best to get up but, as soon as his feet touch the ground, he loses his balance and falls on the floor, his mind going black. Dean falls to his knees, grabbing Castiel before he hits his head on the floor. “Cas!”

Dean puts the angel’s head on his lap and gives him a few slaps “C’mon, Cas. Don’t do this to me.” He shakes Castiel, trying to wake him up. “Cas, please. Wake up, come on, man. You can't do this to me.”

After a few more shakes and slaps, Dean decides to throw water on the angel’s face, hoping against all odds that that’ll work. He places Castiel’s head carefully on the floor and runs to the bathroom, grabbing a cup and filling it with water. He goes back to the room and throws some of the water on Castiel. Dean's veins start to flood with panic when Castiel doesn’t even flinch, and Dean falls to his knees near Castiel, heart pounding against his ribcage.

Dean places the cup on the floor and puts his hand in front of Castiel’s nose. He feels the angel’s breath, slow but steady, and he sighs in relief. He decides to put him on the bed and then call Sam. Maybe Rowena will know what to do. Dean puts one arm under Castiel’s back and one behind his knees and stands up, trying not to fall with the angel’s weight. He places Castiel on the bed and rearranges him until it looks like a comfortable position, placing a pillow under his head.

After Dean places Castiel in bed, he stares at him, thinking that if he stares hard enough, Castiel will wake up, magically. Obviously, Castiel doesn't and Dean has to shake himself and force his legs to move. He sits beside the angel and calls Sam, hoping that he or Rowena will know what to do. The phone rings one, two, three times. “Damn it, Sam, pick up. C'mon.”

After the fifth ring, Dean hears Sam’s voice, “Hey, Dean. What’s up?”

"Cas passed out," Dean nearly shouts, standing up and starting to pace the room. "He woke up complaining of a headache and then fell down. What do I do? What do I do?!"

“Wait, wait, hang on, Dean. I’m gonna put you on speaker.” Dean hears the phone hit the table. “Okay, tell us everything that happened.”

Dean takes a deep breath to steady his voice, “Okay, so, Cas told me he was reading a book before I got here, a Stephen King one, I think, and he remembered some things reading it, times we went back in time with him. And he said that he felt a headache when he remembered those and ever since I got here, he has remembered more things and every time he did, he had that pain again. I even bought some painkillers for him. I thought it was nothing, that we could look at it closely when we got home and the painkillers did help, or at least he said they did. But today he said he couldn’t even see, that the pain was excruciating, his ears were ringing and then he just passed out. I don’t know what to do.”

He hears Sam sigh. “Is he breathing?”

Dean rolls his eyes, “I’m sorry, I didn’t check it because I’m a freaking noob! Of course he’s breathing, Sam, or I would have said he's dead. Is Rowena there?”

“I’m here, Dean.”

“Do you know what he could have? He’s an angel, he’s not supposed to pass out or get into a freakin’ coma.”

“I’m not an angel doctor, Dean, I don’t know why he’s like that. But I do know magic. The headaches he was feeling are tied to the memories he got back. The more he remembered, the harder the pain would become. The fact that he remembered things is a good sign, it means it’ll be easier to break the curse if we find the counterspell, which we haven’t yet.”

Dean runs his finger through his hair, exasperated. “Why the headaches? What does one thing have to do with the other?”

Rowena sighs. “Dean, he had all his memories ripped off his mind, that alone is painful. Now imagine how it would be to have things just thrown into your mind when you’re not expecting them. Hours of reading can give you a headache, but you are expecting it. Having your memories suddenly come back is painful, especially because he's not expecting them to just come back like that. The feeling would be the same as if there was someone throwing bricks at you.”

Dean sighs, running a hand through his hair as he sits down again. “Fine, what can I do? I figure I won’t be able to wake him up.”

He hears Rowena scoff. “That’s right, you won’t. His body is dealing with the curse and all those memories, so it put itself into a coma so Castiel will suffer less with all of that.

“How are we supposed to get him home? I can’t just take him passed out to the airport and say, ‘hey, so, my buddy here is in a coma but don’t worry, it’s just a spell, he'll be fine.’”

Dean can almost hear Rowena rolling her eyes. “You’ll have to wait until he wakes up or until we manage to find a counterspell. There’s not much we can do here, Dean. I'm sorry.”

Dean puts his elbow on his knee and rests his forehead on his hand, sighing, “Fine. I’ll stay here with him and, hopefully, he’ll wake up soon.”

Dean hears some noises in the background of the call and someone saying something he can’t understand. After a few moments, he hears Rowena’s voice more clear than was before, “Dean, I’m going to say this only to you because I know you won’t want anyone to hear it. From everything I know and all the research I’ve done on this curse, there’s only one way to break it and it  _ is _ with true love. I doubt there is a counterspell and I’m just letting Samuel and the nerd work on it because I know neither of them is going to believe me, but I  _ am _ telling you the truth here, Dean. If Castiel is remembering things, there’s only one explanation to it.” Dean starts to recite a mantra in his head, ‘Please don’t be it, please don’t be it’. “You are Castiel’s true love, his soulmate. That’s the reason he remembered all those things and that’s why he remembered your name and your number. Since you said that, I knew there was a reason for the angel to remember those things. The witch who cast the spell was powerful but Castiel’s love for you? Infinite times more if he remembered you.” 

Dean looks at the angel by his side, his features peaceful as if he’s just sleeping, and not trapped inside his own mind. “Dean?” Rowena’s voice sounds softer now.

He clears his throat, trying to sound calm.“Yeah, I heard you. He will wake up then? He’s in this coma because his memories are coming back?” Rowena agrees. “I won’t have to kiss him to wake him up, will I?”

The witch laughs softly. “No, you won’t have to kiss him. He’ll wake up as soon as his mind goes back to normal. It must take a few days so don’t worry.”

Dean takes a deep breath, “Okay, good. Do I need to do anything?”

“I don’t think so. Being an angel he won’t need anything. But you should keep an eye on him and see if he shows any signs of dehydration.”

“All right. I’ll call when he wakes up.”

“Good luck, Dean.” Rowena hangs up.

Dean puts the phone on the nightstand and looks at Castiel, sighing. “Damn it, Cas, what I am supposed to do with all of this information now?” Dean buries his face on his hands, thoughts a thousand miler per minute, none other than  _ you’re Castiel’s true love _ sticking enough in his brain.


	11. Mankind’s Most Lovely Angel

After Castiel passed out, all the pain he was feeling disappeared, along with the feeling of his own body, making him feel like an air balloon—weightless and free. He starts seeing things when he opens his eyes, flashes and scenes he connects to his own memories—they pass through his mind just like a movie. He starts to remember everything he saw, everything he has done and everyone he has met and loved. 

The first thing he remembers is being created. The sensation of not existing and then existing all of sudden. All of the knowledge from the universe inside his mind, names of all the prophets being seared into his eyelids to never let him forget about them, his job in the garrison of angels imposed on him. His love for God being something that was forced into him, not something that he learned to have. He was also created with discipline, knowing it was not his place to questions orders, just to obey, no matter what was asked from him.

He was also created knowing he shouldn't have opinions by himself, having for him whatever his superiors had to say to him, thinking whatever they wanted him to think. Castiel doesn't remember meeting his father when he was created, being placed on his post as soon as all of his molecules were attached to each other. He could never question why he didn't meet God, his own father, or he knew he would be punished. So he accepted his post without questioning, doing his best to be the soldier he was supposed to be.

He also remembers one of his first memories on Earth, not long after it was created. He was in the shoreline, watching the primitive sea, the first organic matter being created in it—the gases in the atmosphere, the high temperatures, bolts of lightning and ultraviolet rays, all combined until the first amino acids were produced in those seas, what, one day, would evolve to something much greater.

Together, the amino acids transformed themselves into proteins, making the sea a big soup of proteins, creating a perfect place for the first cells to be born. And from those primitive cells, after years and years of evolution and natural selection, a little gray fish formed and threw itself into the beach.

Castiel remembers one of his older brothers saying, “Don’t step on that fish, Castiel. Big plans for that fish.”

And indeed there were big plans for that fish because, from that fish, the first amphibian appeared, starting the process that would lead to the arising of mankind, evolving until it became what they are today. Castiel remembers all of the process, the different species of mankind until the Homo sapiens sapiens were the only ones left on Earth. He also remembers everything that humanity did to get where they stand today. 

The discovery of the fire, the first gatherings of people, leading to the start of the communities, until they became groups led by a feudal lord, living around a castle, working on the land they lived and getting their food from it. From them, the cities emerged, along with the current organization that they have, as countries, as economic blocks, as continents. 

Castiel remembers how curious he felt during man’s evolution, all of the things they discovered during their lives. And with each discovery, a new way men could live their lives, a new thing they could use to improve the way they live. 

But even with those discoveries, they would start to get greedy, explore their brothers to get what they wanted, using religion, using what Castiel so fiercely believed to be the one thing that no one could ever use for bad, to kill and torture and use for their own selfish pleasure. Mankind started ruining the Earth that was always so kind to them, that made it possible for them to live and grow.

All those memories pass through Castiel’s mind, making him relive all those things he saw, all the feelings he had, since the beginning, always making him the different angel, the weird angel, the one that always had a soft spot for humanity, the one that wanted to do better for them even and  _ especially _ when they didn't do it themselves.

↞❤↠

After Dean talks to Rowena, he starts pacing around the room, tidying anything he can find to tidy, not knowing what else to do but not wanting to let his thoughts spiral out of his control. He organizes his and Cas's duffle, separating the clean clothes from the dirty ones. He throws away all of the foils from the food he and Cas brought back. He unwrinkles his side of the bed, rearranging Cas on his until he thinks Cas is as comfortable as possible. He orders food so he doesn’t have to go out and leave Cas alone. He does his best not to think of what Rowena told him, how he could be Cas’s soulmate, because Dean doesn’t know how to handle that information. Sure, he knows Cas loves him, from everything they have gone through in all these years, it’s kinda hard not to know that—Dean may be in denial but he's not that blind. Dean also loves Cas but he always pretended it to be a family love, nothing more because he has always tried not to think about anything else with anyone, especially after Lisa.

He has to shake himself away from his thoughts as he finishes doing all the things he didn’t have to. He sits beside Cas, staring at the peaceful face the angel has. Dean sighs and brushes away a strand of hair from Cas’s face. The angel smiles when Dean touches his face gently. Dean doesn’t know if it’s from what is going inside his head or if it’s just a reflex from his touch. Maybe the combination of both, Dean doesn't know.

Dean gives a half-smile and takes his hand from Cas’s face, missing the warmth as soon as he does. He decides to watch something, or at least occupy his mind about something other than Cas laying there, trapped inside his own mind, relieving God knows what. Even though Dean knows it will pass, that Cas just needs time to get his memories back in place, it doesn't make him feel any better.

Dean watches TV until one of the hotel employees calls to the room and says that his food is ready. Dean looks at Cas, afraid that something may happen to him if he leaves. 

After a few minutes of thinking, Dean decides to run downstairs to get his food and ask for coffee. Cas will probably be fine for this little while. Or at least Dean hopes he will.


	12. Rock of Ages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this chapter's name is this song because it was the one I listened to when I wrote it and, fun fact, it started playing on random when I started writing this chapter and it fits _pretty well_ (though most of the chapters are named after songs cause I _suck_ at titles).

After remembering mankind’s evolution, Castiel starts to see some flashes, forms that are over a thousand feet, all multidimensional. He knows that these multidimensional forms are angels, his brothers and sisters, he just doesn’t know why they are fighting each other, and he wants nothing more than to just stop them.

He looks around and sees one angel stand out from all the others, his form one of the biggest amongst the others, if not the largest one. Its brightness is the prettiest one, making Castiel want to kneel and pledge his love to it, wanting nothing more than just follow it and do whatever he can to be a fraction of what it is.

He hears a really high pitched noise, that would probably deafen anyone who’s not an angel if heard. Castiel turns all his heads—how can he have more than one?—to the source of the noise and sees another shining form, one that could compete with the first, with big, white wings, a halo made of blue fire and long swords covered in flames. If it wasn’t for the atmosphere it creates—fear, order, and anything and everything related to those things—it would be a more warming image than the other form, but all Castiel wants to do is hide from it, feeling the opposite of what the other offers.

He hears both of the forms speaking and sees all the other angels waiting, not wanting to interrupt the two of fear of being punished for it. Names appear on Castiel’s mind: Lucifer, Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, Zachariah and a bunch of others. He assumes those are the angels that are there and the two that are talking are Michael and Lucifer. 

When Castiel realizes that the brightest one is Lucifer, he feels sick of thinking that he wanted to follow him, the one who hates mankind and wants nothing more than to smash all of them; the Serpent who tempted Eve and condemned humankind to a life full of sins and suffering—everything Castiel stands against.

The two angels keep arguing until Michael says it’s enough; either Lucifer accepts the humans or Michael will have no choice but to throw him into Hell. God won’t accept Lucifer’s pettiness. Lucifer only laughs and says that God doesn’t accept anything that comes from the angels, only from the humans, His new favourite toys.

Michael does the equivalent of a human sigh, sad eyes when he looks at his brother. “I’m sorry, brother. I really wish I didn’t have to do this.” Michael raises his sword and points it to Lucifer. “But I need to.”

Lucifer gives his brother a smug smile, using the most sarcastic voice he can, “You don’t want to but here you are, doing it. Admit it, you just  _ love _ being daddy’s little toy, doing everything he wants you to, just like a good, little soldier. Or at least what you think He wants, right? Since Daddy doesn’t wanna show up anymore, does He? He’s just loving staying away, leaving His little son to do His dirty work, not needing to get His own hands dirty.”

Michael takes a deep breath and raises his chin in challenge. “You shouldn’t talk like that about Father. He’s doing what it's best for us. And He wouldn’t be gone if it wasn’t for you.  _ You _ are the reason why He’s gone.”

“We both know that’s not the reason. Daddy wanted to leave for a very long time, He just got an excuse to do it now, and He’s using me as guilty, as he  _ always _ does.”

Michael rolls his eyes. “Enough with the chattering, Lucifer. You can make this a lot easier if you just accept your destiny.”

Lucifer smiles. “Brother, we both know that I was never one to accept my destiny easily.”

Michael nods. “Yes, you never were.” Michael moves his sword to Lucifer’s chest but the other angel is faster, shifting from the place, appearing behind Michael and attacking his brother. 

All the other angels start moving, some attacking Lucifer as well and others going after Lucifer’s henchmen, fallen angels and human souls so twisted that were turned into demons, the incarnation of all the sins Lucifer let along with him in the Garden.

Castiel goes after three demons, raising his hands at them and vaporizing them. Two more demons sneak behind his back, wounding one of his shoulders. Castiel turns to them and, with only a thought, he kills both, its souls going back to where they belong. He looks around and sees all of his brothers fighting other demons, and Michael and Lucifer at the center of the fight.

He also sees Gabriel and Raphael fighting the Knights of Hell and winning. Castiel smiles, knowing the forces of Hell don't stand a chance against Heaven, and starts fighting with other demons, losing count of how many twisted souls he kills.

He then hears Lucifer groan, a loud noise, above all others, and all angels and demons turn to the two brothers to see Lucifer on the ground, Michael with a foot on Lucifer’s chest and his sword pointed to his brother. “It’s over, brother. Don’t try to fight it anymore. This is already hard as it is.”

Lucifer scoffs. “I’ll never stop fighting, big brother. You can throw me in Hell if you want, but I will be back. You know I will.”

Michael raises his sword, giving one last look at his little brother with sad eyes. “I hope not, brother. I don’t want to do this again.” Michael downs his sword at Lucifer, who disappears, his twisted grace descending to Earth and from there, to Hell, to the Cage that will keep him there for all eternity.

All demons fall away, their black souls going down, following their master to the Pit. All angels turn to Michael, whose eyes look devastated but he keeps a neutral face when he looks to the angels with a soldier's stand. “Our job is done. We can all rest in peace knowing that the Serpent has been exiled.”

All angels nod and they start to walk away, each going back to their post. Castiel walks to his post as a watcher of humankind, not understanding why he doesn't feel the happiness he should after winning against the forces of Hell, only a deep sadness. 

While all of his first big fight for Heaven goes on Castiel’s mind, his body has spasms, but Dean’s not there to see and stop what could happen to him.

↞❤↠

Dean takes the elevator to the first floor, tapping his foot on the ground, anxious with the time it takes for it to go from their floor to the first one. An elevator should be faster than that, right? 

When the door finally opens, he goes straight to the front desk, where a young girl is sitting, with a bag near the book she’s reading on top of the table. He stops in front of it and she looks at him, a smile on her lips. “Hi. I supposed you are the man who ordered this, right?” She points to the bag.

He tries to smile at her. “Yes, that’s me.”

She takes the bag, standing up, and hands it to him. “I put the check on your room’s bill, is that okay?”

He nods. “Yeah, of course. Thank you very much.”

“It’s my pleasure." She crosses her arms in front of her chest, suddenly nervous. "I-I, uh, I don’t mean to be disrespectful but are you James’s boyfriend? The young man who arrived a couple of days ago?”

Dean’s eyes widen and he shakes his head frantically. “Oh, no, no, no. We’re just friends. Nothing more.”

She makes a pouty face, lowering her eyes. “Oh, that’s sad. He seems to really like you. I can see it in his eyes. Biggest heart eyes I’ve ever seen.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “'Heart eyes'?”

“Oh yeah, it’s when someone stares at the other fondly and even someone who doesn’t know them can tell they are madly in love with the person they are staring at. And your friend? His heart eyes are like, the most fondly I’ve ever seen.”

Dean tilts his head (a habit he picked up from Cas, even though he doesn’t know it). “He does?”

She smiles. “Oh yeah. I’m surprised you didn’t see it before. Anyway, I should let you go back to your room. I hope you two have a nice meal.” She sits again and goes back to her book, a knowing smile on her face.

Dean makes a strange face, wondering how he never saw those eyes. Or maybe he did and just pretended he didn’t. He shakes himself, not wanting to think about that, and starts walking towards the restaurant, planning on asking for enough coffee for him to stay up all night, watching over Cas.

When he asks for his coffee, the waiter looks at him with wide eyes and puckered forehead. “You’re not planning on overdosing with all that coffee, right sir?”

Dean laughs, shaking his head. “Nah, don’t worry, I’m not. I’m sure there are easier ways to overdose than with coffee. I just have some research to do and I need all the help I can get to do it.” He smiles innocently at the waiter, who seems to be a little less worried.

The waiter smiles. “I know how that is. I did that a lot during college. I’ll get your coffee ready, sir.”

“Thank you.” Dean squints his eyes a little, thinking if he looks so old for the waiter to call him 'sir'. Dean shakes his head, deciding to let it go. He probably looks old, anyway.

Dean walks to one of the tables nearby and sits on one of the chairs. He puts the bag on the table and takes his phone from his pocket, seeing if there are any messages from Sam or Rowena or Charlie. There are some from Charlie, asking him to give updates on Cas regularly until he wakes up and, when he does wake up, Dean has to let her know immediately. Dean rolls his eyes, smiling. Of course Charlie would want to be the first one to know. Probably would use that against Sam, saying Dean likes her best. Dean answers her, saying she’ll be the first to know and that Cas is okay. Peaceful as a drunk baby, which is probably better than having the headaches he was having.

Rowena sent a text to Dean, saying that he should be careful and that Cas probably won’t know about the whole ‘true love’ thing when he wakes up, so it's up to Dean to choose to tell him or not. Dean sighs and only says that he’ll think about it. Sam said they still aren’t close to finding a counterspell. Dean doesn’t have the guts to say that they won’t find it and that the spell is already broken because, apparently, that fucking he-witch was right—they do live in a fucking fairy tale and, apparently, Dean is the freaking prince in the white horse. Thankfully he doesn’t need to kiss Cas to break the spell because that would be super weird, and Dean doesn’t even know how he feels about doing something like that.

He tells Sam that he’s sure they’ll find something, they just have to keep looking. He puts his phone away and thinks about Cas—if he really is Castiel’s soulmate, Cas should be Dean’s soulmate, right? At least that’s how all those crazy fairy tales work. Maybe he should ask Rowena, but that would probably make her suspicious and say that he does love Cas, and Dean doesn’t know if he’s ready to admit that—if he’ll ever be.

Dean’s so immersed in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice an older couple sitting on the chairs in front of him until he hears someone clearing their throat.

Dean looks up and sees the two men in front of him. He smiles softly. “Can I help you, gentlemen?”

One of them smiles. “You seem to be thinking about someone, son. Who is it?”

They both look at Dean, with expectation on their faces. Dean frows, rubbing a hand under his chin, his stubble a lot more visible after a few days without shaving. “Just my friend. He’s going through a tough phase right now.”

They both raise their eyebrows, knowing smiles matching. “You sure it’s just a friend?” The other says.

“Yes…?” Dean says uneasily. They both look at him like they know all of his secrets.

“Tell us what is bothering you, son.”

Dean sighs, not believing he’s about to spill all of his doubts to a gay couple he just met but hey, when has he ever done something he’s supposed to, right? “Well, this friend of mine is in a pretty bad shape right now so I’m taking care of him. Everyone keeps telling me he loves me and that I’m his true love because of that, but I don’t know. I mean, I never had anything like that before, y'know? I never even believed in stuff like that.”

One of the men gives him an understanding smile. “How long have you two known each other?”

Dean thinks a little. “About eight years, I think.”

The other man whistles. “Damn, that’s a long time. Almost the same me and James here met before we started going out.”

The first man, James, smiles. “Yes, Mark finally decided to accept his feelings after ten years and asked me out. Little did he know that I was in love with him from the first time I saw him.”

Mark smiles shyly and looks at his husband. “Yeah, I didn’t want to accept my feelings. I never had anything like that before either, you know?” Dean nods. “So it was very hard to even think about that and then accept it. But after I did, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. James had always been the best part of my life, the person I knew who would always be there, no matter what happened in our lives.” He looks at Dean, his big, brown eyes filled with understanding. “Does your friend do that for you?”

Dean smiles fondly. “He does. We met because he saved my life. He pretty much pulled me out of hell and ever since he has been by my side, always got my back. I don’t even know if I would be here if it wasn’t for him.”

James smiles at him. “You know, you have the same look Mark had when he asked me out. People always said that I let my love for him be seen easily through my eyes, only Mark didn’t see it. Maybe it’s the same with you and your so-called friend.”

Dean takes a deep breath, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling. “Maybe. But I don’t know how to deal with all that. I mean, I never had a love like that, and the only person that I thought I had, it wasn’t what I imagined it would be. I mean, it was nice but it wasn’t enough. I always felt like something was missing.”

Mark looks at him, “Was your friend with you during that time?” Dean shakes his head. “Then maybe he was the thing that was missing and you didn't know.”

Dean nods. “Maybe.” He looks at the two men. “How do I know I won’t screw everything up? I’ve hurt him so many times without knowing he loves me, only as a friend. What guarantee I have that I won’t do the same if I let him know I love him?”

Mark looks at him, shaking his head in understanding. “I know how that feels. Before I confessed to James, I always felt like I was going to hurt him and, because of that, I shouldn’t tell him. I thought he would be happier if he didn't know. But I decided to get past my fear and try to be happy. If we did hurt each other, we could heal each other as well, as long as we were together to do that. And we’ve been doing that for almost 50 years now, happier than ever.”

James nods. “There’s no perfect relationship, one that neither will get hurt, that’s just part of being in a relationship. But if you truly love each other, you’ll find a way. Together. You said you've hurt him as friends, right?” Dean hums. “But you two were able to get past it, right?” Dean nods. “Then you’ll be able to do the same things in a relationship, as long as you do it together too. No secrets, no pretending everything’s okay. That’s how you break the trust you have on the other and that’s  _ way _ harder to fix.”

Dean smiles at the couple. “I hope you are right.”

Marks laughs. “Of course we’re right, kid. How do you think we’ve managed to be together for so long?”

Dean laughs as well and hears the waiter call hin, his coffee on the counter. He looks at the couple before standing up. “Thank you very much for your advice. I’ll think about it, try to get my feelings in order.”

He stands up and James puts a hand on his arm, stopping him. “Don’t be afraid of telling him what you truly feel. If everyone is saying that he loves you, he probably does. And I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to know you love him too. Maybe that’s what he’s been waiting for all these years.”

Dean smiles. “I sure hope so, or it’ll be an awkward conversation.”

Both men smile and wish him good luck. Dean takes his coffee, thanking the waiter, and walks towards the elevator. When the door close in front of him, his shoulder slump and he closes his eyes, thinking about everything he heard. He sure has a lot to think about.

Dean sighs, not wanting to think about his feelings but wanting to do it at the same time. He deserves some happiness, right? He saved the world so many times, died for it, the least he can have is a little happiness. 

When the elevator doors open, he walks to the room, opening it with the key card. He puts the bag and the coffee on the table near the door, and when he looks at the bed, he sees Castiel stretched out on the floor. Dean drops the key card and runs to him, rolling him until Cas is on his back with his head on Dean’s lap.

Dean puts his hand in front of Cas’s nose and feels him breathing. He lets out a relieved sigh and looks to see if there any injuries on him. Thankfully, he doesn’t find any so he puts Castiel on the bed again. “Damn Cas, how can you weight so much and look so skinny? That trench coat of yours is doing a hell of a job at hiding it. Told ya you would get flabby for not walking enough.”

Dean sighs, looking at Cas, who still looks so peaceful like he didn’t fall from the goddamn bed, almost giving Dean a heart attack.  _ It’s going to be a long night _ , Dean thinks.


	13. The Righteous Man

A whole new set of memories runs through Castiel’s mind until one of them catches his attention and he looks closely at it. He remembers when he got the orders to save Dean from Hell after the First Seal was broken. Many garrisons had failed during the three months Dean had been in Hell and they only decided to send Castiel's garrison when the seal was broken, knowing they couldn't let Dean there more time and that it would be easier for them to get to him then.

Castiel sees several angels around him, all waiting for him to tell them their orders. “We need to rescue the Righteous Man. Many garrisons before us tried and they killed most of the demons protecting him, but that won’t make our task easier. The demons have hidden him in the depths of Hell, doing their best for us not to get to him. We may lose some on our way but we have to keep our focus, understood?”

All the angels nod and they start their advance to Hell. When they cross the gates of Hell, a whole pack of demons attacks them, trying to stop them from getting to the Righteous Man, but Castiel’s garrison is strong and focused, and they know they need to comply their orders, so they manage to kill all demons and not lose one angel. 

They keep going down, the torturing they see gets worse, screams of pain all around them, but they can’t stop to help those souls. Castiel knows there is a reason for why they are there and it’s not his place to take them out, and that that wasn't what he was ordered to do. The garrison keeps going until they find a new set of demons, stronger than the ones they faced before.

Castiel loses four brothers in that fight and, even though he wants to mourn their loses, he knows he can’t—not yet. He needs to find the Righteous Man and get him home, get him back to Earth, where he belongs, where he will fulfill his destiny: be Michael’s vessel in the fight against Lucifer so Michael can bring Paradise to Earth.

The angels feel Dean’s bright soul when they start to get near him, the way it calls for them, the righteousness it has. Castiel feels the soul calling his grace, as they belong together and Castiel can’t understand that feeling—a human soul and an angel’s grace aren’t supposed to be attracted like that. An angel can’t be attracted like that because angels aren't supposed to feel attraction—that's a human feeling. 

Castiel puts his doubts aside, needing to focus only on getting to Dean. When they get to the gates Dean’s behind, more demons start to attack them, more than the two other attacks combined. Eight more angels are killed in that fight and Castiel gets severely wounded, but he doesn’t let that stop him.

He opens the gate and sees Dean’s bright soul cornered, afraid, angry. He feels Dean’s anger, solitude, sadness—how broken it is after thirty years of being tortured and the guilty Dean carries for using those same tortures on other souls. Castiel reaches out to that beautiful soul in front of him and the soul reaches out for his grace. Castiel can feel them fuse together, each healing the other from its physical wound; Castiel also feels some of the emotional pain being healed by Dean’s soul, but he doesn’t understand it.

Castiel’s feelings start to intensify, like Dean’s soul is amplifying all of the feelings Castiel has ever felt during his very long life. The angel tightens his hold on the soul, bringing it closer to him, his grace leaving a mark on Dean—a mark Dean finds later as a handprint, but that is deeper than just that. Castiel and the angels that are left from his garrison start to go back on their way, rising to get out of the Pit, their wings keeping the demons away from them. Dean’s soul seems to make all the demons get out of their way, its brightness lighting the angels’ way up. 

When the garrison finally rises from Hell, Castiel says that he’s going to put Dean’s body together again and that he’ll be back in Heaven after. His garrison ascends to Heaven, leaving Castiel alone with Dean’s soul.

Castiel flies to the place where Dean’s body lays, lifeless, torn apart, broken, just as much as Dean's soul is. Castiel puts that bright soul into its home and he starts to rebuild the body. All the freckles that cover the man’s body and face, hundreds of them, and Castiel knows he’ll be able to count each of them when he sees Dean alive after that, knowing that all of them are going to be in his memory forever. Castiel erases all of the hunter’s scars, cleaning his skin from all of the years of hunting. He also puts all the skin that was torn apart by the hellhound together, the flesh that was eaten and the bones that were broken, mending them together. 

Castiel breathes life into the body he has on his hands, feeling the soul settling inside the body that belongs to it. Castiel buries Dean’s body, knowing that the Righteous Man will have to fight his way out of the hole because that is necessary. 

After Castiel buries Dean, he stays a while in front of the grave, feeling that soul calling out for him and his grace calling out for the soul, both wanting nothing more than be together again. He also feels the soul readjusting into its body and Castiel sends the messages to all of his brothers and sisters: "Dean Winchester is saved." 

Castiel stays just long enough after it for the ache inside of him grow stronger until Castiel knows he has to go home. He disappears with the sound of wings, returning to his post and trying to suppress his newfound feelings.

Castiel also remembers all the times he was dragged into a white room with an angel called Naomi, who would always say she was fixing Castiel. Castiel would be hauled to that room whenever he started getting close to what the angels called 'humanity' but Castiel knew it was Dean. He would be reprogrammed and sent back to Earth when needed. Castiel would never remember about the tortured he suffered in Naomi's hand but the 'reprogrammation' never lasted long.

↞❤↠

After Dean puts Cas on the bed again, he closes the door and takes his bag and the coffee, walking to the bed. He sits beside Cas, his back against the headboard and his knee touching Cas's arm. Dean puts the coffee on the nightstand and the bag on his legs. He turns the TV on and eats while watching some western movie, thinking that maybe it will make him feel better.

Dean doesn’t feel better with the movie and, once he finishes eating, he turns the TV off and takes his laptop, deciding to do read what Sam sent him and then do some research about the curse. Maybe he’ll find out more about it and how to make Cas wake up sooner, because Dean can't stand thinking Cas is trapped inside his own mind again.

Dean starts his research at midnight and only stops at four A.M., having found nothing that’ll help him wake Cas up. He knows that once all of the angel’s memories are back, he’ll wake up, but, apparently, there’s nothing to make it happen faster, which is pretty annoying. 

Dean drank most of his coffee during his research but he still has some left until breakfast. Dean puts his laptop and notes away and wonders what he can do next. He should probably start to think about his feelings and if he does love Cas, but he's not sure if he wants the answer to that. He’s afraid of what he could find once he starts searching through decades of hidden feelings.

He decides to get one of the books Castiel bought—maybe they can help him pass the time. He gets up and picks up the Lovecraft one. He decides to sit on the balcony, thinking the fresh air may help him. He gives Cas one last look, making sure he won’t start moving and fall off the bed again.

Once he’s sure, poking Cas a few times to see if he'll move, Dean walks to the balcony, leaving the door open so he'll hear anything that happens inside the room, and sits in one of the chairs, putting his feet up on the other. When he opens the book to start his reading, he realizes he forgot his coffee. Sighing, he stands up and puts the book on the chair. He walks back to the room and takes his coffee from the nightstand. He turns to walk to the balcony again when he hears Cas’s voice, sounding very low and rougher than usual, “Dean.”

Dean turns so fast that he almost drops his coffee. He looks at Cas, who has his eyes still closed. “Cas? Cas, are you awake?”

The angel doesn’t move but he says Dean’s name again and smiles. Dean takes a deep breath and sits on the bed. “Damn it, Cas. Why can’t you wake up soon?" Dean runs his fingers through Cas's hair, making Cas smile again. "I miss you,” Dean says the phrase so low that, if he wasn't the one who spoke, he would think he was hearing things.

Dean stands up again once he figures Cas is still inside his mind and goes back to the balcony, taking the book from the chair and sitting on his original position. 

Dean reads and drinks his coffee until seven A.M. when he decides to go and get some breakfast. He’s probably gonna need some more coffee if he wants to be up until Cas wakes. He walks out of the balcony and into the room, closing the door. He puts the book on the nightstand once again and gives Cas a look. He decides to put Cas in the middle of the bed and put some pillows around him. Maybe that’ll help if the angel decides to throw himself out of the bed again.

After Dean rearranges Cas and thinks he did his best, he takes his key card and leaves the room, locking the door, and walks to the elevator. He gets inside it and clicks on the button to the first floor. 

He rests his back on one of the walls and crosses his feet on his ankles, rubbing a hand on his face. His stubble is big enough for him to scratch his hand with it. He was so worried about Cas that he didn't even think about shaving. He sighs when the elevator gets to the first floor, stepping out of it and walking towards the restaurant. He goes straight to the food, taking a plate and deciding on what he’s gonna get. He gets bacon (lots of bacon), scrambled eggs, pancakes, and some waffles as well. He gets a big cup of coffee to drink while eating. Obviously, he’ll need to get more when he goes back to the room. Maybe he was wrong when he told the waiter he wouldn't OD with coffee—Dean sure he is drinking more than it's healthy, but his body should be used to it already, anyway.

He sits at a table and starts eating, not paying too much attention around him, only on his food—which is delicious—, until he hears two plates being placed at the table. He raises his eyes and sees the same couple he talked to the day before. He swallows and smiles at them. “Hey, guys. How are you?”

James smiles at him. “We are good. And you? You seem like you haven’t slept at all. You look like crap.”

Dean huffs a laugh. “It’s because I didn’t. Spent the night doing research.”

Mark waggles his eyebrows at him. “Did the research had anything to do with your feeling?”

Dean looks down, a little ashamed. “Not really. Work stuff.”

James gives a few taps on his arm. “It’s okay. But you do know you should start thinking about those feelings soon, right?”

Mark nods. “He’s right. Better start soon so you can stop soon. Procrastination is not a good choice, believe me. I did that for a long time.”

Dean laughs. “I know I should but it’s so hard. Who knows what I’m going to find once I start going through them and I’m not sure I want to know. There are too many things buried there.”

“We know it’s hard, kid, but it’s for the best, believe me.” James gives him a smile. “But don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll do great. You just need a little while.”

They start to talk about random things after that, keeping a neutral ambient on the table. Dean stays with them until they both finish eating and get up to start their day. 

James hugs him. “Remember kid, it’s not worth worrying about what you don’t know, especially when there's nothing you can do to change it. It’s always best to get things done as soon as possible.”

Mark hugs him after James lets him go. “He’s right, even if I hate to admit it.” His husband slaps him, making Mark laugh. “Don’t worry about what you can find. I’m sure whatever it is, it’ll work it out for the best.”

Dean smiles. “You know, you two remind me of my brother. He’s all about feelings as well.”

They laugh. “Take care, kid. We want to know the end of the story before you leave, okay?”

Dean nods, making them smile, and they leave. Dean stays a while at the table, thinking if he and Cas could be like that one day. Probably not since Cas can’t get old, but maybe they could have a relationship like that. Dean sure as hell would like to have something nice like that in his life. 

Deciding that he needs to stop procrastinating, Dean stands up and goes to get some coffee. He has to start thinking about his feeling and that will require lots of coffee. Probably lots of booze too but maybe it’s too early for that, and he doesn't think he'll find any drinks here anyway.


	14. I Can’t Stop the Feeling

The next memory Castiel pays closer attention to is when he’s trapped in a chair, Metatron in front of him, saying how he wants Castiel to stop thinking about master plans, Heaven, angels, because none of that concerns him anymore. He then cuts Castiel’s throat with an angel blade, his grace slowly leaving his body, though, for Castiel, feels like Metatron is ripping Castiel from himself as it would be for someone to lose their own soul, who they are, their essence.

All of what Castiel felt when his grace was first taken from him, he feels again—the loss of who he was, his essence being drained from him, making him feel like he lost everything he ever was and that he'll never be able to recover from that. But, on top of all of that, he felt stupid for believing Metatron was actually wanting to help. How could he think that the angel was truly trying to restore Heaven? Castiel should have listened to Naomi because for once in her life she wasn’t lying—she was truly trying to save Heaven and the angels. And Castiel was foolish enough to believe in Metatron.

After Metatron heals his cut, Castiel feels lost, not knowing what is going to happen to him or how he is going to live without his grace if Metatron does let him live. Who is he without his grace? All of these years he has been useful because of it, has been kept around for it, to help Sam and Dean, not just be a dead weight. Now, without his grace, Castiel has no value for them, he’s not useful anymore, which means he won't be kept around anymore.

Castiel’s mind has a thousand thoughts per second while Metatron keeps babbling about how something wonderful is going to happen, how he wants Castiel to live his new life to the fullest, for him to find a wife and have kids and, when he dies and his soul goes back to Heaven, for him to find Metatron and tell his story.

But while Metatron is saying all that, Castiel thinks he doesn’t want that life—even if he gave up, willingly, his grace to become human, he wouldn’t want a wife and kids; he would want the life he has with the Winchesters, with Dean. Hunting, living in the bunker, being happy with them, being a family, because that's what he truly wants. That’s the family he chose for himself, years ago.

Metatron then puts his hand on Castiel’s head and sends him to Earth, to a forest, where Castiel wakes up and sees himself alone in the middle of a field, not knowing where he is or how he’s going to get out of there. He just wants to curl himself and cry at the loss he feels inside of him, where his grace once was, now just an empty space, a phantom ache.

But deep inside he knows he can’t do that, he knows he needs to find a way out of there, so he stands up and starts walking, trying to find a way out. He walks for a long time before he finds a clear space in the forest, where he can see the sky. He looks at it and starts seeing lights all around it, like meteors, and, if he didn’t know any better, he would bet that it was just it—a meteor shower. 

But, unfortunately, he does know better and he knows those are his brothers and sisters, cast out of Heaven to a place they know nothing about and so different from home—all of them now stranded on Earth because of him, because he was naive and let Metatron fool him.

Castiel also remembers the hard time he had as a human, not having anywhere to sleep or anything to eat. He remembers getting killed by the reaper, the sharp pain he felt when she stabbed him. Ironically, the first thing that came into his mind once his life was being drained out of him was how different it felt from when he was an angel, how the pain he felt as a human was so much worse that as an angel. He also remembers Gadreel bringing him back to life, his soul being dragged out of Heaven and put back into his body, as he once did to Dean, his skin being knit together. He remembers Dean kicking him out of the bunker, saying he couldn’t stay there, giving him some reason Castiel didn't fully understand. All of Castiel’s fears came true the moment Dean said that—he wasn’t useful without his grace and the Winchesters didn’t want him now, a powerless, dead weight, with them. 

He didn’t know what to do after that. He left the bunker, some money that Dean gave him on his pockets, a fake ID with it, and nowhere to go, no good perspectives in front of him. He walked until his legs couldn’t keep him standing anymore, burning with the effort of walking and standing his weight. He never felt as lost as he did that day, wishing Gadreel hadn’t brought him back to life. He hid in an alley, the darkest place he could find so it would be harder for something or someone to find him there. 

He managed to survive the night and he went into the gas-n-sip near to buy something to eat on the next day. He stopped in front of the door and looked at the sign there, saying they were hiring. Castiel stayed a few minutes staring at it, thinking if he should try it. It couldn’t be that hard and he needed to find something to do instead of just wandering around the world, vulnerable, so he decided to get in and apply for it. Nothing could get worse, right?

Those memories and all those feelings make Castiel’s eyes fill up with tears and making them leak through his closed eyes, marking his face where they fall.

↞❤↠

Once Dean gets to the room, he takes some of the pillows that are by Castiel’s left side and puts them against the headboard, sitting with his back on them but still facing Cas. Dean sighs, rubbing his hand on his face, and decides to speak out loud, hoping that it will help him and not make him look like an insane person—and, if it does, no one’s there to see it.

When he looks at Cas, he notices wet tracks on the angel’s face and he cleans them, a sad expression on his face. “I hate seeing you like this, you know? I know I’m not great at expressing my feelings and all that crap, but I-I really hate seeing you suffering. And I have a bad feeling that I’m probably involved in whatever it is you’re remembering now.” Dean sighs, rubbing his hand on his stubble—now bigger than he usually lets it grow. “Well, I really hope you are not hearing anything, Cas, ‘cause, if you are, this is gonna be very awkward when you wake up. More than it’s already going to be, I think.”

Dean takes a deep breath and takes a sip of his coffee, placing the cup on the nightstand after. He rubs his hands together and thinks about how he can start. Maybe from the beginning, when he first met Cas? He knew as soon as he saw the angel that something had changed in him and that he liked him. It took him quite some time to realize that he liked the angel very much, maybe more than he would like to.

“Okay, Cas, please don’t be listening or remember this when you wake up." Dean takes a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. "When I found out your name with Pamela, like, as soon as she said your name I felt something inside of me, y'know, like something was pulling me towards you. I don’t know how to explain it—maybe it was the ‘profound bond’ you always say we have, I don’t know. I just know that I knew, deep down, that you were going to be important to me, no matter what happened between us.” Dean squints his eyes, trying to remember more. “When I saw you in that barn, the feeling I had when I heard your name was there again but it felt a million times stronger, like my soul was be calling out for you. I don’t know if I could actually feel that or if it’s just the closest way I can find to express it, but that feeling was so strong that made me nervous, more than I already was to find out who and what you were. I tried to lie to myself for a long time, saying that I only felt that way because you saved me from Hell, but, deep down, I knew it wasn’t. Now I know that I was actually lying to myself but I decided to run with it, kinda lying twice to myself. Sounded better for me, I think… pretend there was nothing there.”

Dean shifts his position a little, growing closer to Cas without noticing. He bends his knees so he can put his arms around them and rest his chin on his knees. He takes a deep breath and starts talking again, “When I was with Lisa, without you and Sam, I really thought that that was what I wanted, that I would be happy with her and Ben and an apple pie life, but it wasn’t like that. I always felt like something was missing and I thought it was Sam, that I could never fill that hole again, just had to learn how to live with it. But then Sam came back and a part of that hole stayed there, like a black hole that would consume everything. I remember I prayed to you every day during that year, mostly just to have someone to talk to, even not knowing if you were listening to me. I also prayed for a while after Sam showed up, telling how much I missed him but how I still had that black hole inside of me. Sometimes it was just to tell you about everything that was happening with me, that I couldn’t believe that I really had retired and was living the apple-pie life I never thought I would. And how I realized I didn't love Lisa the way I thought I did, but the idea of having a normal life, I think.” Dean turns his head to stare at Cas “But I was still the happiest when Sam and you were back into my life. After Sam came back and I asked for your help, I know I was probably rude a lot of times, which it wasn’t necessary, and now I know that you had your own fights and were trying to protect the Earth from another Apocalypse, so I'm sorry for being such a dick back then." Dean sighs, trying to think what more happened during that time. "Oh, I remember when you appeared in the motel room and the emptiness inside of me disappeared while you were there. Y'know, I still tried to lie to myself back then but it didn’t work so great as the first time. I think I actually tried to lie a little less too ‘cause I was tired of doing it.”

Dean inhales a deep breath and lets it out slowly, thinking about what to say next. He gets the cup of coffee and takes a few more gulps, returning it to where it was after. “I also remember when I was trying to find you in Purgatory, all that time, with Benny saying I should give up, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t give up on you, not again. I had already lost you after the Leviathans and then found you again, I just couldn’t let you slip out of my hands one more time. So I made us go after you, kill and torture monster after monster to get information about you. And when we did find you, I swear I could feel my soul longing for you, wanting nothing more than to go to you and hold you forever, not let you out of my sight ever again. The hug I gave you that day felt so right and I was happier than I had been in a long time. I couldn’t even believe my own eyes when I saw you.

“When we finally found our way out of Purgatory, I thought everything was finally going to be okay—I would have you and Sammy back, Benny too, after I managed to explain everything to Sam. I was sure you would be able to get out of there, ‘cause Purgatory probably wouldn’t want you there either, and I still don’t think angels were meant to be there. But when you let go, I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to accept getting away from you again—if I could’ve, I would have probably stopped myself from being brought back to Earth, just not to lose you. When the portal spat me back here, I stayed a while just laying on the ground, thinking about how I had failed you again, how I had disappointed you when you most needed me. Until you came back and told us what had really happened, I felt so bad, I couldn’t believe you were really gone  _ again _ . Sam doesn’t know this but I kept looking for ways to get you out; I read anything that talked about Purgatory and how to take someone from it. I even looked at how to get back there, just so I could save you, but there was nothing about it, absolutely nothing. Sammy probably noticed how bad I was, especially ‘cause I practically didn’t mention your name until you came back because it hurt so much to talk about you. I think it was around that time that I decided to stop lying to myself and just accept that I loved you more than just a friend or family, ‘cause I never felt for anyone the same way I feel for you. But at the time I just didn’t know how much or I just didn’t want to think about how much I loved you.” Dean feels some tears starting to build up in his eyes and he swallows them, not wanting to start crying—he had already cried enough about it and he knew the reasons why Cas did what he did. And that was in the past, almost four years ago, not worth suffering through all of it again.

Dean rubs his eyes and sighs. “I think I finally accepted my love,” he says the word strangely, feeling it odd in his mouth but at the same time feeling it right, “when you were human and Gadreel made me choose between you and Sam. I will never forgive myself for that, and I don’t know if you did or why you would forgive me, but that choice is one of my greatest regrets. There were so many ways I could have done it, I could have explained to you why you couldn’t stay in the bunker, could have helped you while you were gone. But I just left you, without any help and with no clue on how to be human. I’m so sorry about that, Cas. I swear I tried my best not to make the same mistake again and I really hope I won’t. I know I wasn’t the best person but I promise I did my best. Whatever my best is. Nothing in the bunker was the same after I asked you to leave, there was an emptiness there for me that sometimes I didn't even wanna be there. There were a lot of times that I thought about calling you and saying it was a mistake, that you could come back.”

Dean stretches his legs and his back, sighing. He gets his cup and empties it, needing something to take his mind from those awful memories. He’s thinking of going to get another coffee when he hears the gravelly voice he hasn’t heard in so many hours, “Dean?” 

Dean freezes and looks at Cas, who has his eyes half-open and a confused expression on his face. “Cas?”


	15. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Castiel starts to feel more control over his body, making it possible for him to start listening to what is happening around him, even though he can’t open his eyes yet. He hears the sounds from the street, cars, buses, motorcycles, and people going through their daily routines. But on top of all that cacophony, he hears Dean’s voice close to him, his voice sounding tired and as if it's direct to Castiel, “Okay, Cas, please don’t be listening or remember this when you wake up.” 

Dean then starts to talk, letting all his feelings out, like he has been keeping them inside for so long—and knowing him as much as he does, Castiel has a feeling that Dean probably has. His voice starts a little shy as if Dean is not sure how to do the whole 'talking about his feelings' thing. He talks about when he first heard Castiel’s name and when they met on the barn. Castiel’s brain starts to repeat those memories in his head as Dean talks about them and Cas starts to feel a warmth grow in his chest, taking the place of all the pain he was feeling before. Castiel remembers when the psychic tried to talk to him, make him show himself to her, and when she found out his name, telling it to Dean, who said it for the first time—Castiel remembers the pull he felt on his grace, just like the pull Dean's saying he felt. Castiel knows that it’s hard but a human can feel the longing of its soul, especially if it’s so well connected with whom they are longing for. Castiel remembers he felt happy when Dean’s soul longed for him, bringing the memories from the rescue back to him, breaking every piece of reprogrammation Naomi put into him when he went back to Heaven. 

Dean also talks about the barn, when they first laid their eyes on each other—Dean could only see his vessel but Castieç, well, Castiel could see Dean’s soul, the brightness of it, how it grew stronger when Castiel landed outside the barn as if it felt he was there. He was yearning to see the Righteous Man alive and intact after putting him back together, knowing he was the one who did it. Dean says that he lied to himself back then, that he only felt that way because Castiel had saved him from Hell, nothing more. Castiel’s lips form the tiniest smile at that, because he knew way back what had really made Dean feel like that and it was the connection between his soul and Castiel’s grace, even if Dean didn't know it yet.

Castiel feels Dean move in the bed and the heat coming out of him when he sits closer to him. It makes Castiel feel better and long for Dean’s touch, wanting nothing more than to take control over his body and touch him, kill the distance between them. Dean starts to talk again about the year he stayed with Lisa and Ben, and how he always felt that something was missing, how he thought it was Sam, that that hole would stay forever open, he just had to learn how to live with it. And he thought that that life was what he truly wanted: the normal, apple-pie life that was taken from him when he was four years old, a white picket fence, a lawn, a wife and a kid. Dean also says that when Sam came back, part of the hole he was feeling was still there, a black hole ready to consume him if Dean wasn't strong enough. 

Dean also says that he prayed to Castiel, sometimes just to tell about him how he felt with the life he was having. Castiel remembers those prayers, how they kept him going for most of the time during the fight against Raphael. But they also made him feel guiltier about his deal with Crowley and for being away from Dean, not answering to any of his prayers when that was what he wanted the most, but knew he couldn’t. Dean would talk about his day, something new he taught Ben or a nice food Lisa made them, or about him trying to cook and turning out to pretty good at it after having to cook for Sam when they were kids. Those prayers made Castiel feel a little better about his deal with Crowley because he thought he was doing the right thing by not disturbing Dean and pulling him to another angelic war after he had lost so much. Castiel still felt guilty about lying to Dean, but he thought his actions were justified if Dean was happy because that was all he wanted for Dean. 

After Sam showed up, Dean would pray to ask for Castiel’s help, to find out who brought him back and why was his brother so different. Cas wanted nothing more than to go to Dean and talk to him, but he knew he couldn’t—he couldn’t tell him that Castiel tried to bring Sam back but didn’t do the work right, and he had no idea what was wrong or what to do to fix it. The truth was that he didn’t want to see the disappointment in Dean’s eyes, preferring to stay away from him. Dean also talks about when Castiel appeared in that motel room and the emptiness inside of him seemed to disappear while the angel was near. Castiel remembers the pull he felt that day, after spending so long away from Dean, only watching him from Heaven whenever he could, just to make sure he was okay, and when he finally saw Dean again, it seemed like his grace was forcing him to go closer to Dean. It took all of Castiel's willpower not to give in.

Dean starts talking about Purgatory, when he was trying to find Castiel in all that mess, Benny always saying they shouldn’t be looking for the angel because it was only going to hold them back. Castiel remembers how hard he tried to stay away from Dean to protect him, but Dean was just too stubborn, always getting closer to Castiel than the angel wanted him to. Dean says he couldn’t lose him again, after the Leviathans and getting him back, he just couldn’t. He says that when he finally found Castiel, he felt his soul longing for the angel, wanting nothing more than to hold him. Castiel remembers feeling Dean’s soul getting closer on that day, it feeling Castiel’s grace as well, and how hard they tried to get closer to the other. Castiel could have fled at that moment but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to leave Dean again and the pain he felt was too much—he wanted nothing more than to just hold Dean closer to him at the same time he wanted to punch Dean for not letting him go, for doing what was best for him once in his life.

When Dean hugged him, Castiel felt all of the tension he had for the time he had been there draining from his body, giving place for a happiness that didn’t fit in Purgatory, but Castiel couldn’t care less—he finally had Dean close to him, even if he preferred that Dean had stayed away from him. He could also feel how Dean had held him tight, his soul brighter than it was before for finally having Castiel’s grace close after so long.

After that, Dean talks about when he escaped Purgatory—how he thought everything would be okay, having Sam and Castiel back, Benny too since he saved Dean’s life a lot of times and was the one who helped them get to the portal. Dean also says that he was sure Castiel would be able to get through the portal because he was an angel and angels aren’t supposed to be in Purgatory either. He says he couldn’t believe when Castiel let go, leaving Dean alone to go back to Earth, how he stayed a long time on the ground, feeling like he had failed Castiel once again. Castiel feels bad about how Dean felt, especially because it wasn’t his fault, Castiel was the one wanted to stay in Purgatory because he deserved it—he needed to do his penitence after all the bad he had done in Heaven and on Earth.

Dean says that he kept looking for ways to bring Castiel back, reading anything he could find on Purgatory and if there was something about going back so he could find the portal again and take Castiel away from that horrible place. He says that Sam doesn’t know how hard Dean looked for a way to get to Purgatory again but probably noticed how bad Dean was because he didn’t talk about Castiel, because it hurt too much talking about the angel until he came back. And Castiel understands it because it hurt to think about Dean too, the hurt he saw on Dean's face right before the portal took him away—took him to the safety of Earth but also away from Castiel. Dean also says that it was around that time that he decided to stop lying to himself and accept that he loved Castiel more than a friend or family because he knew it wasn't the same kind of love he had for Sam or he had for Bobby or any others. Dean just didn't know how much he loved Castiel.

Castiel hears Dean sniffle and he wants nothing more than to try to comfort his friend, say that it’s okay, that it wasn't his fault that Castiel stayed in Purgatory. Dean did the best he could and Castiel knows it. Dean starts talking again after a while, about when he decided to finally accept his love towards Castiel when he was human and Gadreel made him choose between him and Sam. Castiel knows he could never compete with Sam, especially because he’s Dean’s brother and Castiel doesn’t want to compete with him. He knows Dean loves him and Sam differently but he still loves both of them, because that’s just who he is. When the word ‘love’ comes out of Dean’s mouth, Castiel can sense that it’s odd for him from the way he speaks it. Dean says that he could have found another way to talk to Castiel about Gadreel, maybe told him the truth, helped him to be alone in a world he didn't know so much and in a way he didn't know how to be—Castiel didn't know the first thing about being human even after spending so much time among them.

Dean apologizes for not helping Castiel when he needed help, and he swears that he did his best not to make the same mistake again and he tried to be a better person than he was. Castiel knows that Dean always tries to be the best person he could be, even if he himself doesn’t know it. Castiel was always able to see Dean’s soul and he always knew that the goodness is there, most of the time buried in so much suffering and grieving, but still there. Dean couldn't see it but Castiel always knew his intentions were pure and that he wanted nothing more than to do the right thing.

Castiel feels Dean moving on the bed and he tries to work his vocal cords to call for the hunter. At the first try nothing comes out but when he tries again, his weak, rough voice breaks the silence in the room, “Dean?” Cas tries to open his eyes, managing halfway, his vision blurry and the light hurting his eyes.

He sees Dean's outline freeze and then turn to him. “Cas?” Dean moves on the bed until he has his face close to the angel’s, putting a hand on his forehead. “Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

Castiel groans softly, rubbing a hand on his eyes. “Tired and dizzy. My throat hurts a little too.”

Dean takes the hand from Castiel’s forehead and the angel groans at the loss. “And your head? Does it hurt?” Castiel shakes his head slowly. “That’s good, that’s pretty good. And your memories? Everything where they belong?”

Castiel nods. “As far as I can tell, yes. but that was unpleasant. Can we please not repeat it?”

Dean laughs nervously and Castiel sees some tears on his eyes. “I missed you so much, sunshine, you have no idea. You almost gave me a heart attack when you passed out, don’t  _ ever _ do that again.”

Castiel smiles weakly. “I’ll do my best not to.” Castiel tries to sit, see if his body still works. Dean’s hands are helping instantly, putting him with his back on the pillows Dean placed earlier. Castiel grunts when his back hits the pillow. Dean stands to fetch some water for the angel and then hands it to him. Castiel drinks all of it quickly and hands the cup back to Dean. “How long did I stayed like this?”

Dean thinks a little, scratching his head. “Two days, I think. What do you remember from before the curse?”

Castiel tilts his head, squinting his eyes. “Everything. I think all my memories are back in their place.”

Dean smiles. “That’s good. I need to call Sam and let him know you’re okay. Are you hungry or thirsty?”

“I think I’m hungry. But I don’t know why.”

“Probably it’s just the effects of the curse wearing off but I’ll call Rowena, don’t worry. I’ll grab something for us to eat really quick, all right? If you need me, just call, okay?”

Castiel nods. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean smiles. “No problem, buddy.”

Dean leaves the room and Castiel stays on the bed, going through his mind to see if there are any blanks in it. He now remembers everything, more detailed than when it was all just running through his mind. Some memories make Castiel feel bad, and he almost wishes that he didn’t remember those just so he could forget about all the horrible things he did.

He’s about to turn the TV on to try to distract himself when a thought occurs to him—Dean was confessing to him. Dean was truly confessing his feelings, something Castiel never saw in all of his years with Dean, with Dean always repressing everything and hiding his feelings under alcohol and a lot of women—and men, but Dean doesn’t need to know that Castiel knows that. Castiel thinks about the curse the witch used on him—it was all about true love, and he knows it would be hard to find a counter curse for it, if not impossible. Castiel’s brain starts to work a thousand miles per second, putting the pieces together. Castiel only remembered what involved Dean at first, the hunter’s name and number the first thing on his mind; then he remembered a lot of things that involved Dean as well; Castiel was remembering things from his past while walking with Dean, while he couldn’t remember anything new by himself if it didn’t involve Dean; most of Castiel’s memories when he was in the coma had Dean as well and Dean confessed his love to him.

Castiel’s lips start to open in a smile, so wide it hurts his face, making him look like The Joker, but he couldn’t care less—Dean loves him; Dean returns Castiel’s feelings. After all these years thinking he would never be able to have Dean as anything more than a friend or family, Castiel could finally have it, he could finally go to Dean and kiss him, make up for all the lost time, tell Dean how he truly feels, no more hiding or being afraid that if Dean finds out, he’ll get Castiel out of his life.

Castiel starts shaking his leg, unable to hold all the happiness inside of him—he just wants Dean to be back soon, so he can go and kiss his lips, see all those freckles close again, the same ones he once put back on the hunter’s face, shoulders and back, counting each of them and saving them on his memories. He can now see all of them again and count to see if there’s more, if there are some that he doesn’t know. 

The angel stands up, not being able to stay in the same place anymore, and starts to pace around the room, thinking about what he should do when Dean comes back. Maybe go straight to him and just kiss him? Or try to talk to him, say he heard everything Dean said and that he feels the same, that he loves Dean as he has never loved anything before. Castiel doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to make things bad or make Dean feel awkward about the subject, especially when everything must feel so new to him.

When Castiel hears footsteps outside the door and Dean’s happy voice coming with it, as if he’s singing a song very low, just for himself, Castiel smiles at himself, happy to hear Dean singing again. 

The door opens and Dean comes through it. He closes the door and puts the bags with food on the table and turns to face Castiel. Castiel takes a deep breath before walking up to Dean until he’s on his personal space, their chests touching only when they breathe. Dean’s eyes widen like he’s a little afraid of what Castiel will do, but he doesn’t back out, keeping his gaze glued to Castiel’s.

Castiel stays as close as he possibly can to Dean without touching him and stares deep at the green eyes in front of his own—the greenest he has ever seen, the ones that make all others seem pale and graceless. Dean’s lips are a little parted, his breath coming out in short huffs like he’s waiting for what Castiel will do—Castiel has always liked Dean’s lips, how right they seemed when Dean smiled, always managing to brighten Castiel’s day with that smile, and how they seemed irresistible after Castiel started understanding his own feelings.

Castiel starts to get his head closer to Dean, doing his best to keep his body still, and he looks one last time at Dean’s eyes before looking at the lips he’s about to kiss. Castiel sees Dean do the same before he loses track of anything that is not the hunter’s lips. Castiel closes his eyes at the same time his lips touch Dean’s and everything else loses importance.

He feels Dean’s hands coming to his face, one on his cheek and the other in his hair, pulling it slightly, letting Dean deepen the kiss. Castiel puts one hand around Dean’s back, pulling him closer, and the other on Dean’s cheek, the stubble scratching his hand, but feeling so nice at the same time.

They stay like that for a while, just kissing, nothing more. It’s when Castiel bites Dean’s lower lip that the hunter seems to lose all of his control. He starts walking, pushing Castiel with him, until the angel’s legs hit the bed and he falls on it, Dean falling on top of him with his hands on Castiel's sides. That doesn’t stop them from kissing and their hands start to roam each other’s body, learning everything, which places seem good, taking their sweet time before spicing anything up.

I mean, the room’s already paid and they don’t need to get out of it for at least a few more days, so why rush it?


	16. Happiness is the Way

A ray of sunshine crosses Castiel’s face, right on top of his eyes, making him close them tight and groan for his non-sleep sleep being interrupted when he's sure it's way too early to be up. He turns to his other side, the light spreading across his naked back, warming him up. He hears a soft chuckle in front of him, making him open one of his eyes and see Dean resting his head on his hand and staring at Castiel. Castiel closes his eyes, pressing his face against the pillow, making his voice sound muffled when he speaks, "I thought it was creepy to stare at people while they slept, Dean."

"It is creepy but, first, you don't sleep and, second, I'm just so damn happy for having you back that I couldn't stop staring at you, thinking you could vanish if I looked away."

Castiel's lips quirk in a smile and he raises his head enough to give a soft peck on Dean's lips. "I am not going to 'vanish', Dean. I never really vanished before. Just was faster than you could see."

Dean scoffs, putting his free arm on top of Castiel. "I disagree. I saw you vanish when that man-witch cursed you and I would like very much not to see it happening again. And you can't really blame me—you look too cute when you’re not sleeping. It was too good of an opportunity for me not to take it."

Castiel smiles, moving until he's on top of Dean. "You too look cute when you sleep. Will you let me watch over you when you're sleeping from now on?"

"Hell no, that's just plain creepy."

Castiel raises one of his brows, his fingers tracing Dean's side, stopping by his ribs. "And why is it creepy when it's me but it's not with you?"

Dean shrugs, his hands roaming Castiel's back, giving him goosebumps. "Because I don't do it often, unlike you."

Castiel smirks. "And there's no way I can convince you that it isn't creepy?" Dean shakes his head. Castiel's smirk grows and he pokes Dean's ribs on both sides, holding him still with his legs on his hips. A high squeak comes out of Dean's mouth when he first feels the tickles, squirming himself while Castiel keeps poking at his sides. "Are you sure about that, Dean?"

Dean tries to hold Castiel's hands but Castiel only takes both of them and holds them on top of Dean's head, his other hand still poking at Dean's side. "No, c'mon Cas, that's not fair, stop it!"

"Just when you say it's not creepy if I watch over you during the night."

Dean shakes his head, biting his lips so he won't laugh too loud and wake everyone in the hotel. Castiel starts to poke Dean even more, going up and down on his side. He loosens his hold on Dean's hips and legs so Dean uses it to his advantage, crossing his legs behind Castiel's back and changing their positions, rolling them until he’s on top of Castiel.

Castiel lets a surprised sound come out of his mouth as Dean pins his hands onto the mattress. Dean smirks, putting his head close to Castiel's. "Guess you lost your power now, huh? So, as I was saying, you don't get to stare at me all night as I sleep because that's creepy." Castiel makes a pouty face as Dean tries to keep his face serious to make his point. He breaks only after a few seconds, giving in and kissing Castiel's pout from his face. "Fine, maybe two days a week if that will make you happy.” He releases Castiel’s hand, resting his on both sides of Castiel’s face. “We should shower and then head downstairs to get some breakfast. I'm starving."

"You are always starving, Dean."

"Yeah, well, how do you think I keep this awesome body?"

Castiel chuckles and he gives Dean a few more kisses before pulling away. "If we are going to get out of the room, we should take a shower soon. I have a feeling we won't leave if we stay here."

Dean groans, resting his forehead against Castiel's. "I hate when you're right." He stands up and stretches his hand to Castiel. "C'mon, then. Before I give up and decide to stay in this bed for the whole day." Castiel laughs but accepts Dean's hand, letting him drag him towards the bathroom. 

They take a long time under the hot spray of water, thanking the hotel for having an infinite amount of it, so they don’t have to worry about using it all up. Once they're finally ready, they leave the room with their fingers intertwined, taking the elevator to the first floor, having their sides touching all the time, and neither of them capable of keeping away the stupid grins they have on their faces, too happy to care about it.

They sit on a table after getting their food, their thighs touching under it. They fill the silence with light conversation, just commenting on things they liked about the hotel or the places they've visited and what they could do with the rest of the days they have until their flight back. 

Dean's about to stand up to get them more coffee for them when he sees Mark and James walking to a table. He waves at them, getting their attention, his lips opening in a smile. "Hey, guys."

James sees him first, poking his husband and pointing at Dean. Mark waves at Dean and they start walking towards their table. Dean shakes Mark's hand and then James's. Mark's the first to speak, "I thought we weren't going to see you again, Dean. How have you been?"

"Pretty great, actually. And you two?" Castiel clears his throat, arching his left brow at Dean. "Oh yeah, guys, this is Cas. Cas, this is Mark and James. I met them a couple of days ago."

Castiel smiles at the couple, standing up and shaking their hands. "Hello, nice to meet you."

James smiles knowingly at Dean. "Oh, you must be Dean's famous friend. It's good to finally meet you. We heard so much about you."

Castiel tilts his head, staring at Dean, who only blushes and scratches his neck. Mark laughs, clapping Castiel's shoulder. "He only said nice things about you, don't worry. But it's good to meet you." He looks at Dean. "I assume you took our advice?"

Dean nods, putting his arm around Castiel's waist. "I did. One of the best things I've ever done."

"We told you, kid."

Castiel turns his head to Dean, his eyes squinted in suspicion. "What advice, Dean?"

"Well, when you were, uh, gone, I came down here to get some food and coffee, and they noticed I was a little too deep into my thoughts."

Mark scoffs, pulling a chair to sit. "'A little'? He wasn't even seeing what was happening around him from how far over his head he was. He seemed like the world could end around him and he wouldn’t even notice it. I was pretty sure he wouldn't even hear us when James called him."

Dean thins his lips. "C'mon, man, it wasn't like that." Mark looks at Castiel, nodding slightly. Dean only rolls his eyes, smiling. "Okay, maybe that's a  _ little _ accurate. Anyways," he sits on the chair he was before, dragging Castiel with him, "they gave me some pretty good advice whenever I met them here, which helped me open up to you."

Castiel nods in understanding, looking at the couple with a smile. "Thank you for that. It has been almost ten years that he couldn't see what was right in front of him."

James laughs, clapping Castiel's shoulder lightly as he sits on the chair beside him. "I know how that is. This one here was the same," he points at Mark, who stops his hand in the middle of his movement to take a sip from his coffee.

Mark places his cup back on the table, scoffing and staring at his husband. "Hey, I didn't have anyone as awesome as Dean here had to give me advice."

"No, you just had all of our friends telling you I liked you and you just didn't believe them."

Castiel looks at Dean with a little smirk on his lips. "Sounds like you, Dean."

Dean scoffs, staring incredulously at Castiel. "How dare you?" Castiel only arches one eyebrow until Dean sighs. "Fine, that does sound like me. Happy?"

Castiel smiles and gives Dean a kiss on the cheek, melting Dean and making him blush. Mark and James stare at them with big smiles on their lips. Mark takes his cup back from the table, tapping his nail in it. “Okay, you two, no need for all the love affection at this hour of the morning.”

Dean chuckles, turning to face the couple. “Isn’t this what they call the ‘honeymoon phase’? I think we deserve it.”

“You probably do but in your room, please. I don’t think anyone wants to get traumatized here.”

Mark nods, placing his mug back on the table. “I hate to agree with my husband but he’s right.”

James pokes Mark on the ribs, making him jump and Dean and Castiel laugh. Dean grabs his and Castiel’s mug, standing up. “I’ll get some more coffee for us, I’ll be right back.”

Castiel smiles at him with fond in his eyes. Dean walks to the counter and Castiel turns to face the couple, Mark and James staring at him with big, curious eyes as they eat. Castiel frowns at them and rubs his hand on his face, trying to see if there’s anything on it.

Nothing comes on his hand, making him stare at the couple. “Is everything okay?”

They look at each other and then at Castiel, James being the first one to speak, “We’re just very happy that you two were finally able to open up and get together. Dean seemed very sad when we first met him here so it’s good to see that we were right.”

Mark nods his agreement, taking a piece of his bacon before completing, “And why are you two here? From your accents, I know you’re not around here and I’m pretty sure it isn’t for work.”

“Uh,” Castiel pauses, his eyes moving quickly as he tries to come up with something. “Yes, we are not from around here and it’s not for work. I came to meet the city but I had a few problems on my own, so Dean came to help me. I’m not very good at dealing with other people.”

James chuckles. “Yes, we can tell. I’m not either but you get used to it. And it’s very sweet of Dean to come and help you.”

Castiel’s lips open on a silly smile as he nods. “It really is. Dean is a very selfless person, ever since I know him.”

“Yeah, he said you two have known each for a long while, right?”

Castiel nods at Mark, seeing Dean coming with their mugs. “We’ve known each for eight years now.”

“And how did you two meet? Dean said you practically dragged him out of hell.” Mark raises a brow at him, resting his back on the chair.

“Yes, quite literally, I think.” Dean sits on the chair beside him, giving Castiel his mug. Castiel smiles his thanks, taking the mug from Dean’s hand, their fingers brushing. 

“What are you crazy kids talking about?”

“They asked how we met.”

Dean chuckles. “That’s a long story.”

The four of them talk for hours on end, Dean and Castiel telling their story—with a few lies, which is probably for the best—, Mark and James telling their story after, about how their love confession to each other was so silly but still a wonderful story, and how it has been to be fifty years married to their best friend.

Dean and Castiel share lots of looks during Mark and James’s talk, knowing that the other has the same feeling as them—that they both can’t wait to have that forever and how the story resembles to them. The four of them end up having lunch in the restaurant as well since their talk extended for so long. 

They start talking about random subjects during lunch, Mark and James telling them about life in Germany and places they like to visit in their free time. They also offer to give Dean and Castiel a tour on the places most tourists don’t go, but that are no less beautiful. Dean and Castiel are fast to accept their offer.

Their talk only ends when James and Mark say they need to go but they promise to meet for breakfast the next day, and after it go on their walk around Berlin.

Dean and Castiel go back to their room with matching goofy smiles, happy to have seen how good everything they have will be in years to come, already making plans to what they can do after they get home, things that will change and things that won’t—and, for the first time in a long time, neither of them is afraid of the changes that are coming their way because now they have each other, and that is more than enough to face whatever comes their way.


	17. The Best is Yet to Come

Castiel knows something’s wrong the moment Dean wakes up on the day they’ll go home—he’s anxious, jumpy, and moody, snapping at the smallest things. Castiel knows that Dean doesn’t like flying, no matter what the hunter says, so he just stays quiet, offering comfortable and soothing touches when Dean gets too grumpy to try and make him feel a little calmer. Dean seems to like the soft touches if the looseness on his shoulders whenever Castiel touches him is anything to go by, so Castiel just keeps doing them, also finding things to occupy Dean's mind, which is not very hard.

But as the time for them to leave comes closer, the more nervous Dean gets, even though he’s still trying to hide it from Castiel, pretending everything's okay. They had already packed everything up, so they just look around the room twice to be sure they didn’t forget anything and leave the room. Castiel keeps his fingers intertwined with Dean’s, always making circular movements with his thumb on Dean's hand, for the whole way, only letting it go when they need both of their hands. They get a cab to the airport, staying in silence almost the entire time, Dean shaking his leg up and down while staring out the window. 

When they start seeing the airport in the distance, Castiel feels Dean squeeze his hand just a little too hard but he just squeezes back, looking at the hunter’s eyes and giving him a reassuring smile. Dean tries to give a smile back but it ends coming out more like a grimace.

The cab stops in front of the airport and they exit it, grabbing their things and thanking the driver. Dean grabs Catiels’s hands as soon as he can, squeezing it as they enter, his eyes wide as he looks all around. They walk to the desks to despatch their bags and get their tickets. Everything goes well, without any worries, and the young woman shows them the way they should go to get to their gate.

Castiel thanks her for both of them, Dean too anxious to say anything that won’t come out as a squeak. Castiel practically drags Dean through the way the woman pointed them to, trying to be kind but determined at the same time, knowing that Dean will just stay at the spot his planted forever if he can.

Castiel knows that trying to get Dean to sit and wait until it’s time for their flight is hopeless, because it will only serve to get Dean more anxious, and, as time passes differently for them, he decides to stop in every store they pass on their way, knowing damn well that Dean will complain of almost all of them, but that’s Castiel’s plan—Dean will be so focused on finding things to complain about that he won’t even think about the long hours in a plane, at least for now. 

Dean complains a lot when Castiel drags him in stores that it’s for people who want to spend money on useless things—Dean finds things he thinks are cool but he pretends not to care about them whenever Castiel is looking, which makes the angel smile. They also stop at a souvenir shop because Castiel thinks it’ll be a good place to find something for Sam and for Charlie—maybe even Rowena.

They spend a long time in the store—and Dean doesn’t even complain so much while he looks for things he likes—and they get things for them and the bunker: a mug for each person in the bunker—even one for Rowena—, a keychain for Sam and for Charlie, they collect them and Sam has a really big collection from all the years hunting as a kid, a frame of the Brandenburg Gate with a picture from the end of the WWII and one of today for the bunker, and a lot of useless things Dean says they won’t use it but he still takes them, not letting Castiwl put them back in their place ("No, you wanna take, we'll take it, sunshine."). They leave the store with lots of bags but Castiel can tell that Dean is a little happier and his shoulders aren’t as tense as they were before.

They keep walking around, Castiel dragging Dean to every store he thinks that may have a different thing, with Dean complaining all the time but with a hint of a smile on his lips every time they enter a new store. 

They don’t even see the time pass by, only realizing when a woman on the speakers announce that their gate is open and everyone who’s going on that flight should direct themselves to it.

Thankfully, they’re already near the gate so they’re able to get there quickly. Castiel keeps talking to Dean about random things, anything that catches his attention really, to take the hunter’s mind from the plane they're about to get in.

They hand their tickets to the flight attendant and she hands it back after running it through the system. She gives them a smile and points to where they should go. They thank her and walk in the direction she told them, Dean looking all around him and sometimes backwards, as he wants nothing more than to just run from there.

Castiel squeezes Dean’s hand, trying to show him comfort. Another flight attendant is placed on the door of the plane and he shows them where their seats are. They walk to them and Castiel sits near the window so Dean won’t be able to look through it and panic because of how high they're going to be. 

Castiel notices Dean is anxious, his leg shaking as he looks around him, probably trying to find places he could escape through if necessary. Castiel knows Dean's trying not to show it so he puts a hand on top of Dean’s, giving him a reassuring smile. “You survived your flight here, Dean, and you were alone. You’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Dean scoffs. “I’m not worried. Who’s worried here because it ain’t me.”

Castiel raises one brow at him. “You can’t lie to me, Dean. And it’s not very hard to notice it, you're like an open book. Talk to me, it’ll help. How did you do when you were alone on the plane?”

Dean sighs, resting his head on the seat. “I don’t know how I managed to get here all by myself, to be honest. Getting on the plane was one of the hardest things I've ever done but I kept telling myself that you needed me to get on the freakin’ plane, so you wouldn’t be alone and we could get you home, where you belong. It was only thinking that if I didn’t get on the plane, I would let you down and go home, ask Sam to come in my place. And I didn’t want to do that. I thought a lot of what would be worse, flying or having to do research, and the research did seem worse at the time, especially having to hear Charlie and Rowena arguing every five minutes. So I got on the plane and I had to use all my strength to stay in my seat and not run away while I could.” Castiel smiles fondly at Dean.

The flight attendants pass all the rules they need the passengers to do so the plane can take off. Dean and Castiel sit straight in the seats and intertwine their fingers. “Keep talking to me, Dean. What do you want to do when we get home?”

Dean thinks a little, tapping his finger on the armrest. “We could find a spot in the bunker to watch the sky like you said when we were in the balcony. If we look, I think we can find a great spot there.”

Castiel smiles. “I think so too. Somewhere we could go when we want to be alone and just look at the stars at night.”

“Maybe have a couple of beers, some pie. Gosh, I miss my pies. Don’t get me wrong, the strudel was great, but nothing is better than pie.”

“We can make pies when we get home. I remember you told me you would teach me to cook someday.”

Dean smiles. “That would be nice.”

The plane takes off and Castiel keeps talking to Dean, just trying to take his mind off the flight. He keeps talking about what he liked the most of their unplanned trip until the plane is horizontal again and Dean stops squeezing Castiel’s hand to the point it could hurt if he wasn’t an angel.

As the hours pass by and the ocean starts to get closer when they look through the window, Castiel feels Dean tensing and looking pale. The angel puts an arm around Dean’s shoulders and gets him closer. “It’s okay, Dean. We’ll get there just fine, I promise.”

Dean scoffs, but he puts an arm around Castiel’s waist, burying his face on the angel's neck. “How can you know we will? This thing is a freaking killing machine, I don’t know how people can trust these.”

Castiel smiles. “You do know that travelling by plane is the safest way there is, right? There are only a few accidents involving them.”

“I doubt it. Almost everyone dies when one of these falls.”

“I know but it doesn’t mean that it’s unsafe, Dean. That happens because it’s hard to survive in a plane crash, but they rarely fall. More people die on highways than on planes every year.”

Dean takes his head from Castiel’s neck and stares at the angel. “And you do know that doesn’t make me feel better, right? I’m just gonna think how easily I could get killed in the way to or from a hunt now.”

Castiel stays quiet for a while, trying to think of something to say that will make Dean feel better. “I never thought I would need to use a plane to fly. I would look at them from Heaven and think how long it took for humans to experience something near to what I could easily do. And now I’m in one of them, knowing this it’s the only way I will be able to fly from now on.”

Dean’s face softens as he puts a hand on Castiel's hair, running his fingers through it. “I never thought of that this way or how much you would miss flying. I’m sorry, sunshine.”

Castiel smiles sadly. “It’s okay. I miss flying but not being able to do it anymore makes me appreciate more the places we go now.”

Dean cocks his head, his forehead puckered. “If you could go back and change what Metatron did, would you do it?”

“I thought I already told you that the past can’t be changed, Dean.”

Dean rolls his eyes, smiling. “I know, Cas, you made that pretty clear once. I’m saying, theoretically, if you had a way to do it, would you do it?”

Castiel tilts his head, thinking. “Maybe, but not for me, I think. I learned a lot when I was human and made me appreciate humanity more, feel how hard it is for you to just live. Perhaps I would change it just so my brothers and sisters wouldn’t be cast out of Heaven as they were.”

Dean raises his brows. “Don’t you miss your wings?”

“I do, but I don't think I would want to lose what I learned from that. I believe it made me better than I was before.”

Dean nods. “I believe in that too. You got a lot better from what you were when we first met.”

Castiel smiles. “Claire said something like that for me once. I do miss how easier things were when I just had to follow orders and didn’t feel anything. But I wouldn’t go back because I would lose the family I got breaking the rules and doing the opposite of what I was told.”

Dean smiles. “Now you made me feel better.” The hunter buries his face on Castiel’s neck again. “But you can keep talking about how much you love me and how I changed your life for the better.”

Castiel laughs. “I don’t recall saying anything like that but I’ll gladly say it if it will make you feel better.” He tightens his hold on Dean, giving him a kiss on his forehead, and starts talking about his best memories with Dean, making the hunter forget all of his fear of flying, and eventually fall asleep on the angel’s arms. 

Castiel just keeps hugging Dean while watching the clouds pass through the plane and all the things he can see under them, remembering when he, too, had the ability to fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I really hope you enjoyed it cause I had _so_ much fun writing this and I'm so anxious and excited to see what y'all thought about it. 
> 
> In advance, thank you _so much_ for reading it and I hope it touched you as it touched me.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on [ tumblr](https://gii-heylittleangel.tumblr.com/)


End file.
